Happy Thanksgiving, Falcoholics. Since we’re all in the mood for food today, we thought we’d have a little fun and try to figure out which Thanksgiving dish best represents the Atlanta Falcons.
Check out our answers below, and leave your answers in the comments.
An overcooked turkey
Cooking a turkey properly is an art. You can fry it, you can brine and smoke it, like our own Matt Chambers does, or you can whip up a little compound butter with herbs and roasted garlic and roast it, like I’m doing this year. But the one thing you can’t do is overcook it. Overcooked turkey can look perfect on the outside, but once you dig into it, it’s dry, unappetizing, and most of all, disappointing. Doesn’t that sound like the Falcons?
You waited all year long for this meal, and all you ended up with is a burnt-ass bird that falls well short of your high expectations. The parallels to the high hopes we have for each Falcons season and the ways they ultimately let us down are pretty obvious. Falcons fans who chimed in via our Reacts survey agree. - Jeanna Thomas Kelley
On paper, this should work in spite of itself. Fresh fruit? Cherries? Lots of sugar? Sure, that all sounds good.
Yet combining them creates a goopy mess, something that gets passed over by everyone in favor of more appealing options, and if you do decide to invest your precious stomach space to it the regret is quick and total. Even the parts that are good on their own get subsumed by the glop of failure that is Falcons footb...ambrosia. - Dave Choate
Burnt, hard stuffing
The stuffing goes into the oven looking promising. All the ingredients are there. You’ve got the bread, the select veggies, the flavorings. The color looks right. Everything about it says “good to go.”
Then, the cook gets a hold of it. You think this person knows what they’re doing, but they clearly don’t. The over temperature is wrong. They put it on the bottom rack. They call a timeout at the weirdest times. Finally, after all of the promise of how it looked going in, it comes out burnt and as hard as a brick. It tastes like charcoal and it looks even worse. That’ll teach you to put a perfectly good preparation in the hands of a moron. - David Walker
For some, the more recognizable term is “chitterlings”. A “delicacy” that has a distinct smell, taste, and overall image. There is only so much fulfillment that chitlins can bring. At the end of the day, the smell can truly get to you. Next thing you know, it takes forever for the smell to go away and they are stuck in your fridge for weeks. You tell yourself you’re done with them yet somehow, someway, the attachment is still there. - Eric Robinson
Mashed Potatoes with Raisins
Mashed potatoes themselves are delicious when cooked correctly — there’s so much potential there. The Falcons have the ingredients for a delectable performance, and they really should be gracing the dinner table as an elite side option.
But then you add raisins to it. You do too much; you start getting cute with it regardless of the fact that you have a track record of those same ingredients getting used to cook up something delicious. The result — a disgusting black sheep of the table that does nothing but disappoint. - Adnan Ikic
That dish made by that aunt who can’t cook and didn’t go shopping
“I didn’t have baking soda so I just put in some Coca-Cola. I think it still tastes great!” Words we have heard before and it never tastes great. “I didn’t have pecans for the pie so I used pistachios and it’s just as good.” It is never just as good. “I didn’t have a pass rush so I kept Vic Beasley! It will be just as good!” It wasn’t and everyone knew it. This team has too often ignored the recipe but brought the same trash to dinner and tried shoveling it to everyone too dumb to know better. Everyone hates it because they wasted the one time out of the year you even eat that dish. Happy Thanksgiving. - Matt Chambers