The injury bug has it out for the Falcons. There’s no denying it. And in my new segment on FOX 5 Atlanta’s new show, Thursday Night Kickoff, I turn to Falcons Twitter and our readers here at the site for answers.
We asked readers what the Falcons can do to keep the injury bug at bay for the rest of the season, and we had a ton of clever answers submitted. Since we couldn’t share all of them in my quick segment, I wanted to feature some for readers to enjoy here as well. Maybe we can just forward this link to Dan Quinn and keep everybody healthy from here on out.
Here’s my whole segment. Thanks to everyone who sent in so many clever and fun answers to choose from.
Here was this week’s question:
Question for you, Falcoholics: What would you do to make sure the injury bug stops attacking the Falcons? Hit me with your most creative answers, and I'll share the funniest/smartest/most unusual ones that also won't get us in trouble with the FCC on @FOX5Sports on Thursday!— Jeañña (@jeannathomas) September 25, 2018
Some of our staff members weighed in.
Find its lair, draw it out with fire, and engage it in a battle to the death— The Falcoholic (@TheFalcoholic) September 25, 2018
Faustian Bargain. I have the runes charged, the candles alight on the mantle, and etched the sigils upon my living room walls.— CARTZ (@FalcoholicCartz) September 25, 2018
Lots of folks went the bubble wrap route.
Bubble wrap. Lots of bubble wrap. Also this: pic.twitter.com/B9N0PVB00r— Kayla Belle ❤️ (@Kayla_Belle_92) September 26, 2018
Bubble wrap. Simple.— Chip Elbers ⚾️ (@ChipElbers) September 25, 2018
I would start by putting a brace on every body part restricting movement by 100%, therefore no unwanted bends, twists, or snaps. Then followed by 2 coats of bubble wrap from the neck down over the pads.— k.y.l.e (@marcuson1221) September 25, 2018
And then there were some variations on the bubble wrap theme.
These folks are thinking outside the box here. I like it.
Utilize the preseason strategy of resting the starters each week. Wait until the playoffs begin to bring the starters back. pic.twitter.com/Gzm7meCunr— Steve (@SteveInBrooklyn) September 26, 2018
Some of y’all are really willing to do ... a lot.
I'd shave both eyebrows— Eddie (@Eddie_chief89) September 25, 2018
I would get a 28-3 trampstamp bookended by two of those ugly gold fleur-de-lis things with an asterick that is explained by an annotation on my left buttock that says "Bobby Petrino is a decent human." I also, would listen to Chris Carter do more commentary— Citroknights, Squeeze on! (@stankinjenkins) September 25, 2018
I would gladly be struck by lightening while in a shark attack to stop the injury bug! ⚡️— Todd Nielsen (@ToddNielsen4) September 25, 2018
If I have to summon Cthulhu and bring about the End Days so be it. Worth it so New Orleans fans will shut up.— Jesse Dahl (@thisistherevolt) September 25, 2018
Complement an Aints fan— Jason Butler (@JButlerMusician) September 25, 2018
Legally change my name to Kurt Benkert for a year.— Zach Whigham (@GetAtWhig) September 25, 2018
I would Uber a private SUV at the most expensive surcharge during prime time traffic on 285 while my Uber driver goes in the wrong direction and is playing Trump speeches over and over!— Drew (@drewcroesch) September 25, 2018
I’d eat 10 ghost peppers to stop it plus 1 for every injuried player to get them back— Ryan Hooper (@RHoooper50) September 25, 2018
I'd, and you know how much this hurts: Praise a Saints player of the Injury God's choice.— David Walker (@DTW59) September 25, 2018
I will eat a live falcon— Matt Shackleford (@mshackleford) September 26, 2018
Let myself get sacked by Takk McKinley AND decline the penalty!— H.Y. (@HYachoe) September 25, 2018
Acupuncture.. my eyeballs before every game the rest of the season so I can't see every elderly QB in the league put a spin-move TD run on the defense.— The bag is secured (@freetrain24) September 25, 2018
Falcons fans are really still mad at Tom Brady and especially Adam Caplan, who tweeted that the Falcons were the healthiest team going into the season, right before that changed into them being overloaded on IR.
Sacrifice Adam Caplan. Blood, and only blood, will make this right— Taylor Hall (@wmtaylorhall) September 25, 2018
At midnight next Saturday night, tie an effigy of Tom Brady to the falcon statue outside MBS and burn it.— Muphrid of the Exodar (@muphrid15) September 25, 2018
Sacrifice Tom Brady to the football gods— Dana (@itsDanaDay) September 25, 2018
have @caplannfl tweet that the Falcons are the most injured team in the NFL— Ñeil East Champions (@RealNeilB) September 25, 2018
Somebody get Dan Quinn on the phone; this could work.
Vibranium for the strength of the black panther pic.twitter.com/u3mdAkNUw1— Drafty Savings (@paul_fly) September 25, 2018
I'm sure they make some sort of injury repellent. pic.twitter.com/j6McTBcCn7— тнє αη∂у ρєяяу (@andyperry) September 25, 2018
Even fans of other teams weighed in.
There's nothing they can do. Forfeit the season to your Buccaneer overlords— Andrew Lawrence (@ndrew_lawrence) September 25, 2018
Apparently if you sacrifice two tackles to the football gods your line plays good. So try that?— The Millennial Brand (@brianbeversluis) September 25, 2018
Dang it, Truman.
Eat hotdog sandwiches for an entire month, breakfast-lunch and dinner.— Truman Cobbeldick (@Mrtjc4Truman) September 25, 2018
He’s not wrong.
I would wake up because it’s the only way this nightmare will end— Arguk the Butcher (@ArgukTheButcher) September 25, 2018
I mean ...
Move the team from Atlanta— Stephen Chambers (@papapezzle) September 26, 2018
Just listen to Darrick.
The show will air on FOX 5 Atlanta, in case that wasn’t obvious, on Thursdays at 7 p.m. ET. Be sure to tune in for the first episode this evening, and keep an eye out for next week’s question.