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Breaking: Dan Quinn shockingly wants Falcons to stop dropping passes

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Big news.

Wild Card Round - Atlanta Falcons v Los Angeles Rams Photo by Harry How/Getty Images

In a twist straight out of the M. Night Shyamalan playbook, Dan Quinn has decided that the Falcons dropping passes, something they did with great success in 2017, should not continue.

In an offseason full of major news, exciting developments, and earth-shattering moves by the Falcons, this is perhaps the most surprising thing that has happened yet. Quinn, who watched his Falcons drop a league-high 30 passes in the regular season, was not moved by the majestic artistry of his acrobatic receivers and their ability to let crisp passes bounce, tumble, spin and simply wander off fingers and into either the turf or the waiting hands and butts of opposing defenders. He has requested that the Falcons stop it.

Here’s what Quinn had to say, presumably while his interviewer gasped and scribbled furiously whilst wearing a fedora.

“This is a player-led team in a lot of respects, so a lot will be put on the players as well to make sure that focus, that intensity, to make sure that we are taking care of the ball like crazy. I treat drops much in the same fashion — if the ball is everything and if we’re dropping it, where was the focus lost? — almost like a fumble, so to speak. We’ve got work to do in that area. It wasn’t just one player, and it wasn’t just one position. Because, if that had been the case, that would have been an easy way to remove that person. We’ve got work to do, but it’s going to be players and coaches working that [problem] together like crazy to make sure that is a stat that I hope we never have a conversation about again.”

If the Falcons don’t drop so many passes next year, it’s possible that the cherished Fire Steve Sarkisian chant we’ve all come to love will be lost. It’s possible the Falcons will make a deeper playoff run, making our weekends busier into late January or even February. And with their talent base, the Falcons could be top five in offense again, which means other deserving teams may find themselves tumbling down the rankings, which will probably hurt their feelings.

May God help us all.