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Dan Quinn atones for his misgivings with a sacrifice to the metal falcon demigod

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Quinn was so close in 2016. When he pleased the ancient bird, the Falcons had miraculous wins.

When he broke the rules, the Falcons lost in the most destructive way possible. There is no way to explain losing a 25 point lead in 17 minutes of gameplay. It’s impossible. Unless you have angered an ancient demigod bird with a mysterious power to control football games that lived in the Flowery Branch training facility.

Kind of like Angels in the Outfield but football and instead of answering the prayer of an orphan it is a bird demands blood sacrifices into its pit of fire.

Quinn had to make sacrifices to get the Super Bowl. Literally. But his last one flopped. It was a gamble, but the Falcons were riding so high. They looked so unbeatable. Every player was miraculously firing on all cylinders. The Falcons would win their first Super Bowl, as long as one vengeful metal statue would allow it.

That did not happen, of course. Quinn has to return to what worked, and what worked was kicking good friends into a burning lake of fire while the usual suspects watched. And what worked a lot last season was sacrificing Kyle Shanahan, and it was Quinn’s last chance at sacrificing the boy wonder.

Shanahan has gotten used to escaping the pit, but as per usual, he is very badly burned. The bird is packing up for his new nest at the new stadium, just in time for another season of bad photoshops.

Edit: Thank you Ice Falcon for this beautiful work of art.

Ice Falcon