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Falcons 7, Jaguars 13 final score: Preseason football is like a slow death

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Thank god the preseason is over.

NFL: Jacksonville Jaguars at Atlanta Falcons Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

If you love watching the backups of backups take the field, then this game is going to be the definition of fun for you. Join us as we recap the thrilling, exciting action of Falcons 4th string vs. Jaguars 4th string!

First Quarter

The Jaguars and their prolific offense start with the ball. Led by "who gives a crap" at QB, the offense looked good for half a play before offensive holding set them back. Duke Riley made a good play on a screen pass and the Falcons D ultimately sends the Jags off the field.

The Matt Simms dance troupe takes the field. After a nice Marvin Hall catch, the offense tried to run it but failed miserably. Three and out.

The Jags offense received help on the next drive in the form of multiple Falcons penalties. The Jaguars convert on fourth down to sustain a drive. The drive was killed by a fantastic end zone interception by Blidhi Wreh Wilson.

The Falcons offense was mostly inept on the next drive, though Joshua Perkins had a nice catch nullified by a holding penalty.

The Jags offense looked like it was stuttering on the next drive (Shocker!) until Akeem King was beat on a beautiful sideline pass that went for a TD.

Falcons 0 - Jaguars 7

Second Quarter

Matt Simms and the whirly birds get the ball to start the second quarter. Yawn yawn three and out. Please kill me.

The Jaguars offense looked good on the subsequent drive but came to a halt when Jermaine Grace made a great play to intercept the ball near the sidelines. Falcons ball.

The Simmulators take the field once again. A couple of nice passes were undone by an offensive line that couldn’t block an aggressive grandmother in a walker. Punt!

The Jaguars 895th string offense looked impressive on the next drive until Sean Neasman intercepted the ball in the end zone to kill their drive right before the half.

The Falcons put together a quick drive that would end in a missed 57 yard field goal by noted serial killer and kicker Mike Meyer.

Third Quarter

The Falcons start the second half with the ball - but this is going to stun you - offensive penalties made the drive an exercise in futility. I no longer want to live.

The Jags offense, led by the same random dude from earlier that I could not care less about, drove down the field and ultimately punched in a field goal.

Falcons 0 - Jaguars 10

Matt Simms. Matt Bosher. Punt. Fin.

The Jag You Ares put together another sustained drive against the Falcons janitorial crew, who looked surprised that the game was still going on. Jags punch in another field goal. Life is a hopeless void.

Falcons 0 - Jaguars 13

The Falcons get the ball right before the start of the last, merciful quarter.

Fourth Quarter

The Falcons scored, hilariously, after a significant downfield drive. Jhurrell Pressley got a carry he managed zero yards on, fumbled into the end zone, and saw Darion Griswold scoop it up for the TD. That made it....

Falcons 7 - Jaguars 13

....with over 13 minutes to go. How we yearned for an end to this!

The Falcons managed to pump the brakes on the next Jaguars drive and force Jacksonville to punt.

The next drive saw Alek Torgersen finally get on the field, and after a misfire or two, he connected with Griswold for a 51 yard pickup. The fourth quarter, it belongs to Griswold! Then Torgersen stalled out thanks to a penalty on Marvin Hall, some poor receiver play, and ultimately an interception.

The Jaguars stalled out. The Falcons stalled out. Torgersen actually got sacked for a massive loss on a fourth down play. The Jaguars then managed to run out the clock and mercifully end this game

Please let us never speak of preseason again.

FINAL: Jaguars 13 - Falcons 7