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Falcons 13, Steelers 17: Starters shine in limited snaps, Takk McKinley is freaky fast

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We’re officially half way done with the preseason folks.

NFL: Atlanta Falcons at Pittsburgh Steelers Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

The Falcons traveled north to Pittsburgh to take on the Steelers in the second game of the preseason. Here’s how things unfolded.

First Quarter

The Steelers started the game receiving the kickoff. The Steelers meandered for a bit, before Grady Jarrett decapitaed Josh Dobbs in what looked like a fumble, but was called an incomplete pass. The Falcons would receive the punt at their 18 yard line on a fair catch. A holding penalty would put the ball on the 9.

Matt Ryan and the Falcons offense came out next. A quick run by Tevin Coleman went nowhere on first down. Two passes to Sanu moved the sticks quickly, picking up two straight first downs. An unnecessary roughness penalty would push the ball forward for the Falcons. The offense looked sharp, making repeated plays before Terron Ward rushed it in for the TD.

Falcons 7 - Steelers 0

Josh Dobbs and the Steelers offense took the touchback on the kickoff. The Falcons defense did fairly well limiting two runs before collapsing the pocket quickly on third down and forcing another 3 and out. Steelers punt, with Nick Williams returning for little gain.

Matt Schaub would take over on the next drive, with Brian Hill getting snaps at RB. Hill got two straight carries and looked pretty good doing so, although a penalty on Eric Saubert nullified a good run. The Falcons would again deploy their patented “MATT MATT MATT” QB switch strategy, when Matt Simms came in mid-way through the drive. The drive would continue with Simms looking pretty impressive. The Falcons would end up in the red zone before the first quarter came to an end.

Second Quarter

A drop by Marvin Hall on third down would have been an easy touchdown. Alas, the drive would end with a Matt $$$ Bryant field goal.

Falcons 10 - Steelers 0

The Steelers offense would take the field again and gain significant yards on a questionable DPI call against Deji Olatoye. The run defense looked stout, but the Steelers would convert on third down to extend the drive. The Falcons defense saw big plays from several players including Courtney Upshaw, who had a great tackle for loss. The defense - with mostly 2s in - did a good job of shutting down the drive and forcing a 42 yard field goal attempt, which was good.

Falcons 10 - Steelers 3

The Falcons next offensive drive would start on their own 15 and Brian Hill getting the first carry again. Nick Williams would convert on a key third down before Matt Simms hit Reggie Davis on a beautiful deep ball. Williams would make another huge catch, but appeared to be rattled by the hits he took. Brian Hill would convert on third and 1 with a great second effort. The drive would ultimately stall out, with Matt $$$ Bryant coming in for the eeasy 3.

Falcons 13 - Steelers 3

The Steelers offense took the field again and on the first play, Demontae Kazee made a great play to limit the first down gain. Takk would demonstrate his speed when he drilled Josh Dobbs a fraction of a second after the ball got out of his hands. The Falcons defense would eventually force the fourth down and a punt.

The Falcons offense would take the field again, but quickly flamed out. Matt “probably overpaid because I’m on a great offensive team” Bosher would come on for his first punt of the day, which he barely got off.

The Steelers offense took the field again with less than a minute left in the half. The Falcons defense again forced another 3 and out, giving the offense another shot before the half. Damontae Kazee would leave early with a slight limp, however.

Matt “I’M NOT MY DAD” Simms would take the field again to lead the offense. The drive would be sustained by penalties and the live arm of Matt Simms. Simms also almost killed the drive with a pass that should have been intercepted. The Falcons would punt after the Steelers called a timeout with 8 seconds left. The punt would be blocked and a comedy of fumbles would be the end of the half. WTH Steelers?

Falcons 13 - Steelers 3

Third Quarter

Reggie Davis would kick off the second half with a great kickoff return coming back to almost the 30 yard line. Davis has had a very nice game thus far. A good run by Brian Hill was brought back by an unfortunate holding penalty. The drive would ultimately stall out, with Simms taking a third down sack. Falcons punt.

The Steelers offense came back out to put together a bit of a drive, though the Falcons defense helped wtih some ill-timed penalties. Ultimately, the Falcons defense held up well again, forcing yet another punt by the Steelers. The Steelers would down it inside the 5 yard line, though.

The Falcons would take the field on their own 4 yard line. Also, if you’re still reading this, you should seriously get some professional help. This is not healthy. It’s preseason. My god, do something else with your life. The offense looked out of sorts and would quickly go three and out. Matt Bosher comes in to punt out of his own end zone, with the Steelers returning it to the Falcons 38 yard line.

The Steelers intimidating 5th string offense would take the short field. Thirty different Falcons were unable to sack Josh Dobbs in a single play where he would run out of bounds. They should all be fired immediately. On third and 12, the Steelers opt for a short pass which is dropped. They punt to Nick “Scrappy, yes I’m still on this team” Williams who calls for a fair catch.

The Matt Simms led offense comes back out again to torture us for being foolish enough to keep watching this game. Yet, here we are. In his audition to not be referred to as “Little Matty,” Simms struggled on this drive. The Falcons would punt - and the Steelers would return it for a touchdown. OH THE AGONY. Keith Armstrong is now telling people they’re not good enough to be assholes.

Falcons 13 - Steelers 10

Simms and the Falcons would start the subsequent drive with a nice 17 yard first down pass to Marvin Hall. It would be the only good thing about the drive, as the offense would stall out again. If Simms ends up ever starting for the Falcons, we’re so doomed. Bosher in for another punt.

The Falcons defense took the field along with the Steelers. The Falcons would make a nice play, forcing an incredibly poor decision by Josh Dobbs who would toss an interception to Quincy Mauger.

The Matt Simms dancers take the field again. Simms, feeling bad for the unfortunate Steelers, uses his first pass to throw the ball right back to the Steelers. There was literally NO FALCON anywhere near the play. Oy vay.

The Steelers take the field again on offense with some joker named Mark Houston in at QB. After a completing a pass, we are mercifully allowed to go to the fourth quarter.

Fourth Quarter

The Steelers offense would start the torture quarter. They did some stuff. It didn’t work particularly well. They would punt. Riveting, insightful stuff here folks. If you’re reading this, you are literally mentally ill. Go get some alcohol or something.

The Simms troupe comes back on the field to dance a nice jig and burn away the clock. Eric Saubert continued his campaign to get as many penalties as humanly possible in the preseason. Matt Simms continued his campaign to reduce the number of Matts on the Falcons roster. Guess what - ANOTHER PUNT. Wooooo punter competition.

The Steelers take the field again because they have to because it’s technically still the fourth quarter. The Falcons put a defense on the field that may or may not be constructed of players. It’s a little unclear. The Steelers 890th string offense sustains a nice drive against the Falcons 912th string defense/janitorial crew. The Steelers would take the lead on a touchdown pass from some guy to some other guy.

Falcons 13 - Steelers 17

The Falcons take the field again to remind us that life is meaningless and death is certain. Matt Simms immediately takes a sack, because somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd quarter, he forgot that he can throw the ball. After another sack, and something else that happened that I could care less about, the Falcons punt yet again. Bosher leg gonna fall off fam.

The Steelers offense again takes the field and the Falcons defense comes out as well. Life is suffering and suffering arises from within us, or from watching fourth quarter preseason football. The Steelers offense would eventually stall out on the Falcons 40 yard line. They would punt ... because they hate us and want us to watch the Falcons 874th string offense on the field again.

The Falcons offense takes to the field once more with Alex “the dragon” Targaryen in at QB. Unfortunately, after Falcons WR Elvis Pressley tips the ball, the Steelers defense manages to intercept it. Also, that guys first name is probably not Elvis, but I really don’t care.

The Steelers take to the field again, hopefully to put us out of our misery. The Falcons Akeem King - yes he still exists - would intercept a poor pass tossed into the end zone. The Falcons offense gets one more chance at redemption. For whatever that’s worth.

Alex Tartar comes in at QB again and comes out slinging it. However, the Falcons offense quickly finds itself in fourth and forever with a little over a minute on the clock. Unfortunately Alex Tilapia is unable to connect on fourth down, and the hopes of a Falcons preseason win is quickly shuttered.

The Steelers would get the ball again and mercifully, the game would soon come to an end with the final score of Falcons 13, Steelers 17.