Training camp is just around the corner and we caught up with someone you might not know. Matt Ryan just had one of the biggest seasons ever. The $100+ million dollar man completed nearly 70% of his passes for almost 5,000 years en route to a win through basically 80% of the Super Bowl.
All eyes were on Ryan. None were on his backup, a relatively unknown Matt Schaub. We wanted to talk to Schaub, and we contacted a hotmail email account listed as his agent’s address. Even though it was a weekend, we received an immediate email back directly from Schaub inviting us to Flowery Branch. It’s still before camp, but he’s living out front of Falcons HQ in his “smashpad” van.
We caught up with the quarterback to see what he’s hoping for this season.
The Falcoholic: Hello, Mr. Schaub. I didn’t think you were allowed to park a van on the side of a highway. You are probably aware of our very prestigious football blog, the Falconsaholic set up by the unforgettable Dan Coats.
Matt Schaub: I reckon... you know a lot about... cyberspace? You ever come across anything... like time travel?
The Falcoholic: Oh, I’m really not sure what you’re talking about. What’s going on with you?
Matt Schaub: Grandma took a little spill at the sand dunes today. Broke her coccyx.
The Falcoholic: I’m sorry to hear that. We wanted to shed some light on the forgotten backup quarterback behind MVP Matt Ryan. It was a long road to get to this point. According to your Wikipedia page, you played in a developmental league for a team called the Houston Texans. Is your mascot just some guy wearing a cowboy hat and driving a truck? Wait, if I only have five questions, then I don’t care about that. What are your hopes for 2017?
Matt Schaub: Ohhhh, man I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state.
The Falcoholic: I’m not going to lie, this is going to look terrible in print. What do you think you offer the Falcons if you get some playing time? I know you are looking for a time to finally show the NFL what you’ve got, and some were even calling for you to start at the beginning of 2016.
Matt Schaub: How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?... Yeah... Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.
The Falcoholic: Are you talking about the Super Bowl? Wait, what mountains? We are in Georgia. Are you feeling OK? I guess a deep ball would be great with Julio Jones.
Matt Schaub: Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile.
The Falcoholic: How did this team pay you $9 million?
Schaub ignores our questions and begins texting Matt Ryan. We also paid for his lunch which I don’t think is normal. Also not normal is the smells coming out of this van. Where is this guy’s money going? Ryan shows up and looks unhappy.
Matt Ryan: Dan Quinn just called and said you're supposed to go home.
Matt Schaub: He didn't tell me anything.
Matt Ryan: Too bad, he said he doesn't want you here when he gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.
Matt Schaub: I'm not goin' anywhere, Ice.
Matt Ryan: Get off my property!
Matt Schaub: It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Matt Ryan: Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you.
Schaub runs off, which is kind of rude because he was our ride. We didn’t learn a whole lot about him, and are really only left with more questions than answers. He remains a mystery man backing up one of the league’s best passers.