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The Falcons fan rooting guide for Week 16

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Go Buccaneers.

NFL: Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

As always, you want to know what can break the Falcons’ way today, playoff-wise. As always, we’ve got you covered.

Here’s your complete rooting guide to today’s games, except for the Falcons-Saints game, because I assume I don’t have to tell you who to root for in that one. By the end of today, Atlanta will hopefully be in the playoffs, thus taking a lot of the suspense out of Week 17. We could all do with less suspense.

Rams vs. Titans

At this point, rooting for the best possible seeding just makes sense, should Atlanta hold up their end of the bargain. The Titans are a vastly inferior team and Mike Mularkey is going to run the ball 40 times against a tough Los Angeles front, but we can pray.

Bills vs. Patriots

I’m a hater, can’t even lie.

Browns vs. Bears

Hue Jackson has now shown himself to be a poor head coach at two stops, having alienated players in both places and badly mishandled a potential franchise quarterback in DeShone Kizer. That said, Browns fans don’t deserve two consecutive winless seasons, and the Bears really need to move on from John Fox too.

Lions vs. Bengals

The final, final nail in the coffin for an NFC playoff hopeful. Sorry, Detroit Lions fans, but I want the rest of the NFC to fall down this week.

Panthers vs. Buccaneers

A Bucs win here and a Falcons win today flattens out the top of the NFC South, creating a situation where every team has the same record, and Week 17 settles the division for good. Root for the Bucs because we don’t want to face the specter of playing Carolina on the road, should it come to that.

Dolphins vs. Chiefs

Haven’t really forgiven the Dolphins for beating the Falcons earlier this year. I’m also petty.

Broncos vs. Redskins

See my note above about the NFC. It’s best if we just go ahead and cross off any teams in the NFC possible, even if I’m loathe to root for the Broncos given their longstanding commitment to quarterback avoidance and ugly football.

Chargers vs. Jets

The Chargers, meanwhile, are a fun team, and it would be nice to see them sneak into the playoffs in the AFC and maybe make some noise. The Jets are going to be playing Bryce Petty and maybe Christian Hackenberg, so this seems like a virtual lock.

Jaguars vs. 49ers

The Jimmy G-Kyle Shanahan hype train is rolling on, but seeing some analysts mention that the young quarterback figured out Shanny’s offense faster than Matt Ryan annoyed me enough that I’d like to see them brought back to earth for at least one week.

Seahawks vs. Cowboys

Either one of these teams will be eliminated from the playoffs if they lose. It goes without saying that the Seahawks are the better football team, even injured and shaky as they are at the moment, and thus it just makes sense to root for them to be eliminated and hope either Atlanta wins or Dallas drops their Week 17 matchup.

Giants vs. Cardinals

I dunno, man, I somehow care less about this matchup than any other. Go Eli, I guess.