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The official Atlanta Falcons bye rooting guide

Watching football but don’t know what team to hate for no clear reason? Well then, oh boy, do we have a solution for you.

Carolina Panthers v New England Patriots
You will be rooting against Cam Newton.

Man, it sure is tough to polish up the bye week. The Atlanta Falcons lost to the Buffalo Bills, and there’s been no news since. Will they sign someone? Maybe. Health updates? Not really.

So what can we do? Well, we can talk about what teams you need to be a fan of today. Luckily, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have gotten their loss out of the way early this week. Boom, one less team to worry about in the NFC South.

Lets roll through the games.

Buffalo Bills vs. Cincinnati Bengals: you need to root for a different game on your local channels. This is pretty deep in the AFC, so I’ll go with Buffalo if only to force the Patriots into a wild card spot into the playoffs.

New York Jets vs. Cleveland Browns: this game is completely inconsequential to the Falcons, the playoffs, and the NFL. If this is your only option at 1 PM, then this would be a great time to clean your bathroom.

Carolina Panthers vs. Detroit Lions: Go Matt Stafford! The Panthers have been crazy inconsistent this year, and we need a few more bad games for the Falcons to pull the lead in the NFC South.

San Francisco 49ers vs. Indianapolis Colts: if you remember the Super Bowl, you root against the 49ers.

Tennessee Titans vs. Miami Dolphins: I’m rooting for the Miami Dolphins to keep looking terrible, helping the Falcons next week.

Los Angeles Chargers vs. New York Giants: there’s no playoff implications here, and zero implications with anything you would enjoy. Avoid the upcoming disaster that is this game.

Arizona Cardinals vs. Philadelphia Eagles: the Eagles are part of the NFC logjam at 3-1. Right now, 3-1 will get your team either a first round bye or a wild card spot. Root for Carson Palmer.

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Pittsburgh Steelers: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Seattle Seahawks vs. Los Angeles Rams: I may regret this, but I’d rather see the Rams in the playoffs. Go Jared Goff!

Baltimore Raiders vs. Oakland Raiders: I can’t muster up an opinion about either of these terrible teams.

Green Bay Packers vs. Dallas Cowboys: both teams were supposed to be powerhouses this year. Dallas is 2-2 and the Falcons already handily beat Green Bay. I’d rather Dallas makes the playoffs, even if that lets in the Minnesota Vikings.

Kansas City Chiefs vs. Houston Texans: I do not want to see these Chiefs in the Super Bowl, so go J.J. Watt and team! This looks like the best game of the week.

Minnesota Vikings vs. Chicago Bears: the Vikings could pressure the Packers for a playoff spot, and I’d he happy with not seeing Rodgers again this year. Go Case Keenum and/or Sam Bradford!