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Suggestions for the 2016 Atlanta Falcons bye week

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How will you make it through the next two weeks? Here’s how.

Atlanta Falcons v Philadelphia Eagles Photo by Mitchell Leff/Getty Images

The Atlanta Falcons are at 6-4 right now, which is better than many of us anticipated, but not the runaway lead in the NFC South that we all would prefer. That’s not going to change for nearly two full weeks, because the bye is here, and somehow you have to soldier through this Falcons-less time. Never mind that you do that for months on end in the offseason, or that you could probably use the relaxation time after that loss. It’s two whole weeks!

As always, we’ve prepared a short survival guide for the bye week, and we look for your sage advice in the comments. Peruse and share, friends.

  • Remain calm. Football will return, and in the meantime, there are other, less interesting matchups to watch. There’s even NFC South teams to hate-watch this Thursday night! They sure are bad, aren’t they?
  • There are other sports. Basketball is actually pretty cool, and there are more than like three good teams in the entire league, which can be disorienting. Remember: Roger Goodell does not run that league, so players are allowed to be people! This might be frightening.
  • Re-visit your favorite hobbies. Maybe you love eating, or crying alone in the dark, or both of those things together. Do what you love!
  • Enter a room in your home. Turn on the light. Who are these people? They are your family, perhaps your friends, who you may be unaccustomed to spending significant time with during the football season. They will ask you questions, some of which may be frightening and involve chores. Remember: You signed up for this by not being a loner who lives in the woods with a satellite dish.
  • Get some work done around your house. God, you’ve let this place go. What a filthy hovel. I don’t even remember the last time you did laundry, and those dishes have piled up for weeks. You repulse me, frankly.
  • Just freeze yourself for two weeks, and football will be back! Surely you won’t accidentally freeze yourself for hundreds of years, waking up in a futuristic hellscape where the Falcons no longer exist and Sean Payton is still coaching the Saints. Surely.