The Falcons are evil-doers whose evil ways must be punished. Football is a sport known for its kindness and soft-feelings, and this team - the TEAM I LOVE - has gone off the deep end by having players make contact with one another during OTAs. Not just contact, but excessive contact. Oh, the agony! As such, NFL Commissioner (and all-around fan of non-violent things) Roger Goodell has swooped in like an angel in the night to exact an excruciating punishment on the team, certainly dooming us for the next decade as we attempt to recover.
MY GOD, HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER!?
What is the NFL thinking, beating us down so severely? This punishment is brutal, and our players will no longer be able to bask in the 100 degree temperatures of Flowery Branch in the middle of a Georgia summer.
How. Will. We. Ever. Recover.
In this moment of devastation, let’s come together to bemoan the violence that our team has participated in. First, Deion Jones knocks Cam Newton into a different zip code after trying to dance gently into the end zone. And now this. Oh, the violence!
Shaking my head, people.