In a shocking turn of events, a Falcons player has been ranked on a list compiled to fill the endless void that is an off-season without football.
The analyst, a former football player, delivered his list of the top 100 football players currently footballing, as he does every year in June when the terrible, crushing weight of a month without purpose catches up to him. The former player, who staves off the essential meaningless of life and all its extravagant trappings through carefully ordered lists, writes the following scouting report.
This player is awfully good at the game of football, but I'd question if he's elite after watching his team struggle last year. This is the ultimate team sport, of course, so I hold this player personally responsible for all his team's shortcomings.
On this player being good at football.
This player is good at football.
On this player being not good at football.
But if he is so good, why wasn't his team better? Bad teams don't have good players, or else they would be good teams. That is science.
On this player being gooder.
This player could be even gooder at football. Does he make other footballers gooder at football? He needs to take that next step to be higher on my footballing list.
Of course, you would expect at least one Falcons player on this list, and the former player has delivered. It could be argued that the listing is a little bit low for a player of this caliber, certainly, but given the way NFL gurus slap together these lists in between crying jags, it's not surprising. The only shocking thing was the honorable mention for another popular Falcons player.
When I looked at his 2014 numbers, I couldn't justify including this Falcons player on a list that included so many Ravens players. This guy's just missing those elite intangibles that would merit inclusion on this list.
As this is the definitive list delivered by this former player, I expect we'll never have to write about this player's selection to another list again. What's your opinion on this ranking?