The bye week can be tough. There's no Falcons football to watch or grouse about, which means you're going to start rehashing your takes and may find yourself watching other football games this Sunday, including the uniformed eye bleach that we call the NFC South. Forget that! We've got your guide to surviving the week off from the Falcons.
- Say hello to your family and friends. Fun fact: Your family is not just a collection of people who flee the living room when you yell at Kyle Shanahan, occasionally block your beer runs, and demand human interaction when the Falcons are driving before halftime. They are also your loved ones, and in the case of your children, your lasting legacy on this earth. Go get a burger with them or something.
Your friends are a great way to complain about the Falcons without bothering strangers online. They've known you for years, so they're duty-bound to listen to you.
- Explore your hobbies. Remember when you used to put ships in bottles? That sure was a relaxing way to spend your time. Do you still have those in the basement, somewhere? You should go down there and check. We'll wait.
- Catch up on housework. Chances are you've let your home crumble into dust and angry rats over the course of the football season, so this is an excellent opportunity to get caught up. We cannot, per our legal counsel, advise that you burn down your home for the insurance money, so instead we'll
- So you found those ships? Great! All you have to do now is harken back five years to when you were young, coordinated and full of hope, and figure out how to get that tiny cloth rigging into an even tinier opening without ruining everything. Good luck!
- Weep. There is no shame in letting those salty tears flow freely down your face, because an increasingly mediocre NFL product has completely consumed your life and thoughts, and you've forgotten how to love. There, there, friends. There, there.
- Damnit, the bottle's broken. Maybe go to the store, pick up some booze, find a new hobby. We didn't want to say anything before now, but putting tiny ships in bottles is a pretty big waste of time.
- Read The Falcoholic. We will continue to provide you with all the Falcons analysis you could possibly want or need, all at a price befitting its quality. Also, sign up for FanDuel!