clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

A Thanksgiving Recipe For A Falcons Win On Sunday

New, comments

Let's whip up a win for the Falcons.

Kevin C. Cox

Thanksgiving is today. If you're like me, you're going to build a ship of turkey and stuffing and sail it across the treacherous cranberry sauce canal into the open gravy ocean, where you will talk trade with the great nation of Sweet Potato.

The point is, all you're going to think about is food. That's good. That's right. That's American. In that spirit, I've decided to look at how the Falcons might beat the Buffalo Bills in recipe form. No, this has nothing to do with the sponsorship at the top of this article. Ignore that.

A FALCONS WIN

Pre-heat stadium to at least 50 degrees. Falcons will cook slowly if it's too cold.

INGREDIENTS

1 Mike Smith, lightly adventurous

1 Effective Matt Ryan

1 Steven Jackson

1 Healthy Roddy White

1 Tony Gonzalez

1 Vaguely Competent Offensive Line

3 Quality Cornerbacks

1 Will to Win

PREPARATION

Assemble all ingredients in stadium. Be polite about it, because it's Canada.

Coax slightly adventurous Mike Smith into making good decisions, such as not starting Jeremy Trueblood. Cut offensive line into five pieces. Sniff for competence. If you find incompetence, throw out and get a fresh guard or tackle.

Behind the offensive line, insert Matt Ryan and Steven Jackson. Repeatedly bash Jackson to the outside edge until you achieve a frothy mixture of success. Mix Matt Ryan, healthy Roddy White and Tony Gonzalez with the line until the offense begins to move on its own. Add short passes to season, avoiding contamination from Marcell Dareus and Mario Williams.

Set aside run defense in a large plastic bowl, ready to be used in case CJ Spiller begins to run. Crack open three quality cornerbacks and coat Bills wide receivers with them. Combine everything together.

Add liberal amounts of will to win, leaving out "Tank for Clowney" brand tanking spices. Heat and serve. Mmm...winning.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

More from The Falcoholic: