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Falcons New Year's Resolutions

Scott Cunningham

As we prepare to embark on another year, despite the Mayans best efforts, the majority of America sits contemplating what New Year's resolution will be given a half-hearted effort in 2013. So it got me thinking, what would the Falcons choose to change in their lives after the ball/peach/[enter generic item here] drops?

Overall as a team, Atlanta only has a few areas of concern. A run game would be nice, the defense isn't always stout, but 13-3 is tough to harp on. Individually, though, these guys can each strive to be better. We're not talking, "Oh, I need to go to the gym more," or, "I'm going to drink less." These guys are better than that. Let's take a look at what some of the Falcons would list as their resolutions for the new year. Dave, James and Caleb all pitched in as well to help.

Matt Ryan: Finally seal the deal on the sponsorship with Natty Ice. He's been wanting it for so long, I just know it.

Michael Turner: Stick to O'Doul's. And if that doesn't work, for the love of God, stay off the road on New Year's.

Roddy White: (from James) Deactivate Twitter, forever. Or keep fighting Skip Bayless everyday. Either one would be beneficial.

Julio Jones: Commit to taking a vertical training class so he can actually jump over small buildings in a single bound. He's pretty close right now.

Tony Gonzalez: Play football until he turns 63 years old. That should give the Falcons plenty of time to find a suitable replacement at tight end.

Sam Baker: [Enter whatever resolution he made in 2012, because I'll be damned if it didn't pay off]

Mike Johnson: Prove to the coaching staff he belongs at wide receiver.

John Abraham: Learn how to fly so his ankles and knees don't buckle against Tampa Bay in the fourth quarter of the last game of the season before the playoffs resulting in him being carted off.

Sean Weatherspoon: (also from James) Use a fork. Ok, maybe don't do that. People will die.

Kroy Biermann: (from Caleb) Slow down enough to where coaches don't make him play free safety sometimes. I think Kroy would be fine with this.

Asante Samuel: Get the people at Wikipedia to change his profile picture to something involving the current team he's actually with. Seriously, folks, get it together over there:

Robert McClain: (from Dave) Save Nakamura Tower. Although from my research it looks like it's called Nakatomi. It's a Die Hard reference, you get the point.

Luke McCown: Kick your feet up, you're still employed somehow!

Arthur Blank: Utilize the mafia he secretly runs to acquire Adrian Peterson through blackmail. Or put a horse's head in Zygi Wolf's bed while he's sleeping. I don't know, it worked for the Corleone's.

Mike Smith: Send terrible letters of recommendation to every team Dirk Koetter is interviewing with.

Dirk Koetter: Promptly thank Mike Smith for sabotaging his interviews and never leave Atlanta ever.

Thomas Dimitroff: Keep on trolling.

Give me your best resolution. Use those rec buttons for the comment section.