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Your NFL Labor Update, In The Style Of Mad Libs

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Hey, (nouns!) It's time for your (time interval)ly labor update!

It seems that yesterday, (adjective) owners and (adjective) players met for (time interval) to talk about putting an end to this (adjective) lockout. According to (link), the two sides made (adjective) progress, but sources with their heads squarely up their (parts of anatomy) indicated that the lockout could still drag on for (time interval).

Encouragingly, the two sides (past tense forceful verb) out an accord on (stupid, trivial thing that makes you die a little inside when you consider the fact that it has potentially held this process up for the last several months). This is great news for those of us who have waited for (exaggerated time interval) for this (mild expletive) lockout to end so we can watch the game we love.

Fortunately for (Falcons player, preferably one Dave Choate hasn't mentioned in a while) and the gang, it appears these talks are on the right track. Hopefully, this whole thing won't be derailed again by (adjective) owners with (only slightly exaggerated) dollars they cannot possibly spend and players with (slightly less exaggerated) dollars, who are likely sitting in a (name of posh hotel) right now and eating (ridiculous rich people food, like squid and brioche sandwiches) while they argue about (issue that would not die if you backed a truck full of napalm over it). 

(Religious expression, aka "By the hammer of Thor"), I hope this can be done soon. I've resorted to drinking (extremely cheap liquor or brand of paint thinner) just to keep from going (euphemism for crazy) from this (less mild expletive) lockout. And by this time next week, it's likely we'll be hearing about (setback you thought was done with but has been revived by one of two competing groups who are taking intractability lessons from the U.S. Congress).

(Expletive!)