Conspiracy Theorist 3: If New CBA is Ratified in Atlanta, NFL Owes Us A Championship

I've already gone on record saying that we as Falcons fans have been more cursed than the supposed most cursed fans in history: Cubs fans.

...I ramble on and on about how the Falcons are cursed/voodoo'd/bewitched/etc. and how Cubs fans don't understand anything because birds don't live as long as baseball players. One Falcon year is about 4 human years. Since the Falcons have been around "45 years", we've actually gone 180 years without a championship. Take that, Cubs.

There are mumblings that a new CBA might be ratified in Atlanta this week. Do you know what that means? That means our city is better than all other cities anywhere the owners/players have been to since their indecisiveness was only cured by visiting the ATL.

And if that comes to pass, that would mean the ATL is the best city of them all, and therefore, we need some....shall we say, compensation.

And what better way to compensate us than to have us walk into the Super Bowl this year and face....I don't know, the Atlanta Hawks! They will gladly lay down for us so that we will have a Super Bowl win, and then we can raise our ring fingers proudly in any illogical and senseless argument with any other teams' fans, anywhere.

And while they're at it, why don't they move the Super Bowl this year to Atlanta, so the parade can start before the game even begins! I think that would only be fair, since we have suffered for 180 years and we were the city that helped end this disgusting lockout.

What other kinds of compensation should we get? I'm thinking free corn dogs for life for all fans!

Don't worry, guys. I'm just kidding.