Who's the ultimate Falcon? And who's the ultimate anti-Falcon? That's what we're going to find out with our summer project: the Scale of Falconliness. We'll rate former Falcons on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most Falconly. The rule: minimum of three seasons with the Falcons for coaches, five seasons for players.
TWO ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS SWIRLING THROUGH YOUR HEAD:
1. YES, NORM VAN BROCKLIN WAS OUR HEAD COACH, NOT OUR SPECIAL TEAMS COACH, AND YES HE MADE THE PRO FOOTBALL HALL OF FAME AS A QUARTERBACK, NOT A SPECIAL TEAMS COACH. BUT HE WAS A STARTING PUNTER FOR 12 YEARS IN THE NFL, AND HE HATES YOU.
2. NORM VAN BROCKLIN MAY NEVER BE DISCUSSED IN ANY CASE BESIDES ALL CAPS. DAVE HATES ALL CAPS, BUT THAT'S FINE BECAUSE NORM VAN BROCKLIN HATES DAVE.
NORM VAN BROCKLIN, HEAD COACH (1968 - 1974)
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UNFALCONLY |
- THE TEAM'S SECOND-EVER HEAD COACH, AND ITS SECOND-LONGEST TENURED HEAD COACH EVER.
- SOMEHOW SQUEEZED A .430 WINNING PERCENTAGE OUT OF THE EARLY BIRDS.
- TOMMY NOBIS REALLY LIKED HIM, BLAMING HIS CAUSTIC REPUTATION ON CHANGING TIMES AND CULTURAL DIFFERENCES. ANY TIME THE WORD VIETNAM MUST BE USED TO JUSTIFY A PERSON'S BEHAVIOR, YOU KNOW YOU'RE DEALING WITH A CROWD-PLEASER.
- ONCE SAID TO A MOB OF REPORTERS: "IF ANY OF YOU [EXPLETIVES] WANT TO FIGHT, THEN LET'S STACK FURNITURE." THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT PERHAPS HE COULD HAVE JOINED BILL FRALIC IN THE WWF.
- GEORGIA TECH RUNNING BACKS COACH IN 1979. THE LACK OF HISTORICAL RECORDS ON HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH FREE-SPIRITED FEDORA-ON-THE-SIDELINES AEROBICS AFICIONADO HEAD COACH PEPPER RODGERS: A TRAGEDY.
- FARMED PECANS IN SOCIAL CIRCLE, GEORGIA UNTIL HE DIED. BURIED IN SOCIAL CIRCLE.
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- THE ORNERIEST SON OF A CUSS TO EVER STORM UP AND DOWN THE FALCONS SIDELINE. EVERY LAST ONE OF THE PLAYERS BESIDES TOMMY NOBIS HATED HIM, BUT BY GOD THEY
RESPECTED REALLY HATED HIM. VETERANS LIKE KEN REAVES, DAVE HAMPTON, AND ANDY MAURER OPENLY CLAIMED HE WAS THE ONLY THING KEEPING THE FALCONS FROM WINNING, AND QUITE A FEW OTHERS DEMANDED TRADES OR VANISHED.
- CITIZEN NEWSPAPERMAN FURMAN BISHER CALLED HIM "HITLER WITH A HANGOVER" AND A "BLUNT SOUL" WHO COULD "MAKE HIS OWN MOTHER FEEL THAT THE PAINS OF CHILDBIRTH ARE NOT WORTHWHILE."
- AS THE VIKINGS COACH, ONCE BENCHED FORMER UGA LEGEND FRAN TARKENTON IN A GAME AGAINST THE FALCONS BECAUSE HE KNEW THE GAME WOULD BE TELEVISED IN GEORGIA AND HE DIDN'T WANT DAWGS FANS TO SEE THEIR BOY IN ACTION. NO SERIOUSLY, THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
- FOR YEARS, GOT INTO ARGUMENTS WITH NEWSPAPERMEN AT EVERY POSSIBLE TURN, ALWAYS (ALWAYS) REFERRING TO THEM AS "WHORE WRITERS." I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH THIS BULLET SINCE IT'S FUNNY BUT UNBECOMING AND HE'D PROBABLY CALL US WHORE BLOGGERS. REPORTERS DISCOVERED THE ONLY WAY TO GET A QUOTE OUT OF HIM WAS TO LET HIM RANT ABOUT COMMUNISTS, SO HE DID THAT ALL THE TIME. I HAVEN'T MADE ANY OF THIS UP.
- PULLED AN ADVANCED PETRINO IN 1974, TELLING HIS FALCONS PLAYERS "DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOUR ASSES ON THE WAY OUT" AFTER A WEEK 8 LOSS, QUITTING, AND BURSTING INTO FLAME. I ONLY MADE UP THOSE LAST THREE WORDS.
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CURRENT STANDINGS AFTER THE JUMP:
