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Unidentified Falcon Subpoenaed, Now Hiding In My Shed

Remember last year, when everything sucked? No? I'm sure the medication is helping. Glad to hear it.

Why do I ask, you ask?

Because here comes the law. Again!

According to the AJC, an unidentified current Falcon was implicated by David Jacobs, who is currently singing as an alleged steroid dealer. The fact that Jacobs has fingered one ex-Falcon and one current Falcon does not bode particularly well for this team, and it does not bode particularly well for my chances of avoiding ulcers so large that they grab helpless passerby. What, I ask you, did Falcons fans do to deserve this?

Histrionics aside, this is obviously not good news. It's only a matter of time before that name gets released to the public, and you can bet your faded Terence Mathis jersey that people are going to violently overreact to this. While hoping Vick was innocent didn't turn out so well last season, I'm going to hope Jacobs just doesn't care for the Falcons and is trying to bring down some players with him.

The absolute worst case scenario, of course, is that this ends up being a huge distraction, a marquee player ends up in jail, Mike Smith bolts for a job with Bowling Green and I'm found face-down in the Atlantic Ocean. I don't expect to find out exactly what's going on here until a few months from now, so let's enjoy draft season before worrying too much about it. Good thing to have in the back of your mind in case it blows up, though.