I resolve to be slightly less bitter, slightly funnier and much more willing to dive headfirst into sweet, delicious analysis. I also resolve not to let the Falcons take years off my life, but I may be less capable of keeping that one.
Mostly importantly of all, I resolve to embrace the new regime--whoever they are--and hope they can bring in some exciting rookies, some capable veterans and a generally different attitude. I'll also hope against all odds that Chris Redman is resolving to become a Pro Bowl-caliber QB, thereby negating the need for a high draft QB.
Here's some other resolutions I hope are forthcoming:
Roddy White: Resolves to stay exactly the same as this year for the rest of his career, thereby becoming the greatest receiver in the history of the Atlanta Falcons.
The Entire O-Line: Resolving to remember how to goddamn block for once.
Alge Crumpler: Resolves to replace gimpy ligaments with cybernetic implants which allow him to run faster, jump higher and shoot lasers from his cleats.
DeAngelo Hall: Resolves to sew his mouth shut and learn to speak rapidly and furiously via the use of sign language. Seeing Hall sign "suck it, bitch!" to an opposing wide receiver would be the highlight of 2008.
Arthur Blank: Resolves to become a paranoid, Howard Hughes-type owner who trusts no one and takes nothing at face value. Also resolves to force the next coach to play Jerious Norwood more, even if he has to use Alge Crumpler's laser cleats as a threat.
Warrick Dunn: Resolves to have a wonderful life and career and fondly remember his days as a Falcon. I know we'll all miss him, but it's time to go.
Michael Boley: Resolves to eat a balanced breakfast of linemen, QBs, running backs and wide receivers to prepare him for another sick season.
Morten Andersen: Resolves to sail with Sir Francis Drake against the Spanish Armada; also resolves to retire to his mansion and laugh at dirt poor bloggers who make fun of his age.
Michael Vick: Resolves to change, I hope.
Bobby Petrino: Resolves to continue being an asshat.
Jamaal Anderson: Resolves to atone for an embarassing 2007 campaign by getting at least 60 sacks...in Madden 2008. Also plans to get a couple during the actual season.
My Readers: I hope you guys continue to be the insightful and regularly hilarious commenters you have been since Day 1. If I have one wish, it's that there's even more of you onboard in 2008. For my part, I'll try to make this a better blog...if that's even possible.
Happy New Year!