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Mike Vick and His Pal Mara-joo-wanna

Sometimes you love a player so much that you can forgive all his little wrongs and see him as a beautiful creature who at any moment will bloom into the wonderful flower you always pictured him to be.

This is not one of those times, friends. This is the kind of time where a talented player basically becomes a total assclown and makes it increasingly difficult to defend him. Mike Vick, if it turns out that was some primo cheeba cheeba in your water, what the hell were you thinking? You're so rich and famous that you not only can't wait to smoke your dope, but you have to hide it behind the label of a water bottle? That can only be described as Marcusesque, and lord knows we all assumed you were smarter than that. The problem isn't so much that you've run out of chances on the field, because it's pretty hard to give up on that kind of potential. The problem is that you're slowly turning into a liability off the field, and that's something El Jefe blank isn't likely to look kindly on.

If I were going to advise Vick, I'd probably start by mentioning the lingering rumors that Petrino's going to let Schaub compete for the starting job next year, and then I'd mention his huge, untradeable contract. Keep it up and say hello to the bench, Mike.