Falcons Cut Five, Only Those Five Give A Damn

Today the Falcons cut DT Michael Bozeman, P Adam Anderson, S Jeramie Johnson, WR Ben Nelson and DT Kelly Talavou. They also put S Nick Turnbull on waived/injured and S Omare Lowe on injured reserve. How did I find this wondrous treasure trove of information, you ask? I went to theAJC, which allowed me to read up on how the roster got trimmed to 75. Of course, the really big cuts are still forthcoming by Saturday, so this is the little thing in the greater scheme.

But because I've written enough of these little boring stories about camp bodies, I've decided to spice things up a little bit. Behold, backstories!

Michael Bozeman wasn't born to be a defensive tackle. A sharpshootin' son of a cowboy from Oklahoma, Bozeman dreamed of herding cattle and drivin' away rustlers. But when Arthur Blank came a knockin', Bozeman put that dream on hold. Now that he's been cut by the Falcons, he'll go back to the lonely plains he's always known.

Adam Anderson used to punt. Used to punt criminals right in their lousy asses, send them on their way. They called him the Long Leg of the Law, and many learned the value of keeping their noses clean from a boot to the groin. When the Atlanta Falcons called him to clean up the Georgia Dome, Anderson couldn't resist. But his leg was too strong for this backwards little town, and they sent him packing. He'll be back--for revenge.

Jeramie Johnson was a level 10 dark wizard.  Many elves trembled before his influence and the mighty roll of his 20 sided dice. He scoffed at the dank dungeons of Angmodyne and the fiery volcanoes of Uranus. But he desired more: a chance to cast his spells on the whole city of Atlanta. His scheme was foiled when he was exposed to sunlight for the first time in ten years while walking to the Georgia Dome. He will return to his basement, wondering why the hell he ever wanted to be a safety.

Ben Nelson played in the Arena Football League. Despite his experience, coaches found him lacking in such crucial areas as "catching the ball" and "making the roster". He will likely return to the AFL and have put up some batshit crazy number of yards, like 10,000,000.

Kelly Talavou is a girl. There's no way anyone would name their son Kelly. She will become a sideline reporter for Monday Night Football and annoy the crap out of everyone who listens to her, just like Joe Theismann. Unlike Theismann, she will still be considered a human being.

Leave your own memories of these courageous souls.