Remember that scene in Indiana Jones where the Nazis get their head melted by the terrifying force that is a mediocre offensive line? Quail in fear, my friends, for those days come again, striking our fearful eyes like dark lightning. Alack, alas!

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While you were out enjoying your Saturday, the Falcons were doing important things down in Flowery Branch. Instead of taunting you with that, though, I thought it might be nice to run down a few of the key things that happened today at mini-camp.

For a first person account, check out jamesrael's fanpost over there on the side. He's got a roster sleeper y'all might want to check out.

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via www.king-mag.com

Given my enthusiasm for this pick, you're probably wondering how I'll keep the tone neutral, as befitting the editorial nature of this blog. Then you'll remember that I'm full of crap. For an examination of the heavily slanted pros, cons and likely role for our young Atlanta Falcons fan, read after the jump.

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A while ago, intrepid and swashbuckling commenter Hamburger put his considerable nickname-crafting skills to the test. The fanpost is still hanging around over on the side, but enough time has passed after I posted a poll with a few suggestions that I think we can wrap this up. Matt Ryan's new nickname is....

Well, it's Matt Ryan's old nickname. Because the people have spoken, I will mostly stick to calling our new franchise quarterback Matty Ice. This is by no means a hard and fast requirement on the rest of you, so I think the best course of action is for everyone to just call Matt Ryan whatever the hell they want. The only thing I ask is that you don't use the string of obscenities you'll be shouting at the television when he gets planted in the turf because Sam Baker has arms like a T. Rex. Thanks.

I'm also putting out the call for nicknames for other members of the 2008 draft class, many of whom having incredibly generic names. If there's one thing I have a weakness for, it's obnoxiously bestowing people I've never met with nicknames which could stick forever. So, you know, get back to the laboratory and see what you can come up with.

I apologize for being unable to find a picture of Thomas DeCoud that either showed what he actually looked like or wasn't under the iron fist of angry copyright. Regardless, we're taking the information train to DeCoud's pros, cons, and likely role with this team after the jump.

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via media.scout.com

We continue our Emmy award-winning series on the rookie class with Robert James, who knows how to rock a headband. Here's some thoughts on the pros, cons and likely role for young Mr. James, after the jump.

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I always tell myself it could be worse, being a Falcons fan. Sometimes I even believe it.

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String of curse words. Lament. Praise of player's on the field exploits. Condemnation of conduct off it. Another string of curse words. Bam! Instant post.

This is what I've been reduced to. Michael Boley is my favorite Falcon, a monster on the field and a guy who has been noted as a pretty good dude off of it. I simply cannot believe that the franchise's biggest defensive star and potential future building block has been arrested and charged with battery. I've got little cartoon birds flying around my head right now. I'm stunned.

As we all know, an arrest is not an indication of guilt. There's nothing to say that Boley isn't totally innocent, but it is a major public relations blow for an owner and franchise that tries way too hard to pull together a happy face. The dude's also angling for a long term contract that's richly deserved for his play, and this probably isn't going to help it get done. The new squeaky clean Falcons aren't likely to smile on a franchise defensive player who gets rung up for a battery charge, even if his guilt won't be established for months to come. The worst part is that this team needs Boley, who is a lineman gobbling were-goblin who helps make up for what promises to be an average at best defensive line.

The best I can say right now is hang tough, fellow Falcons fans. For my part, I gotta say that I'm tired of being disappointed like this.

UPDATE (11:36 a.m.): According to this AJC story, Boley allegedly "got physical" with his wife during an argument. Though we know kind of what he was arrested for, we are no closer to knowing what the hell that means.

via www.montanagrizzlies.com

We resume our popular feature with the fit that officially made me flip out: tweener Kroy Biermann. While it's certainly not his fault he was draft, his listing as an OLB on the ESPN draft board sent me into a fit of rage. Rather than dwell on that, let's take a look at the pros, cons and likely role for young Kroy, after the jump.

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via graphics.fansonly.com

Thomas Brown's choice of school ensures that the he'll be a fan favorite here in Atlanta, much like D.J. Shockley before him. Like Shock, Brown is a low-round prospect whose talent may exceed his draft slot. Here's a look at the pros, cons and likely role for Bad, Bad Thomas Brown, after the jump.

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