Help Wanted: Atlanta Falcons



This is a job announcement for possible career opportunities within Atlanta Metro and surrounding areas. There are multiple positions available and the positions are being filled quickly.

- Are you looking to become well known and liked in your community, yet unknown and disliked around the nation?

- Have you ever been known as a "high-caliber" or "good character" type person?

- Do you want a fast paced, adventurous, highly dangerous career?

- Have you ever been criticized on the job? Well if you have and you enjoyed it then this is the job for you.

- Have you ever had a bad day at work and thought, "man I wish half the country could be here for this?" Well we have the job for you.

Have you ever worried about the following things while under previously employment or while unemployed:

- I am not getting enough physical beatings in my everyday routine.

- I am not getting close enough to a large number of oversized males in my average day.

- I am big enough to body slam a John Deere but nobody is willing to let me practice these days.

- I love traveling and torture but it is so hard to mix the two in a fulfilling career these days.

- My pants fit so loosely and every time I come up with a logo and wear it people look at me funny.

- Mascots are what make me tick on the job but nobody will dress up and hang out with me.

If you have had any or all of these thoughts or complaints at anytime in the recent past then we have the job for you. Please call or e-mail us as soon as possible and we hope to add YOU to the winning team!!!

Atlanta Falcons

1184 Webehurtin St.,

Flowery Branch, GA, 25022

(678) 555-1234

*****Dislcaimer*****: Any previous inury history is an automatic job disqualification. Any nondisclosure by the applicant about his/her injury history to include: allergy history, all sprains/joint discomfort/cricks in necks/that one time you felt kinda funny in any given body part/etc.... will be reason for immediate release. Upon employment eye contact with existing players is prohibited and will be punished on a case by case basis. This is not exactly endorsed by the actual organization of the "Atlanta Falcons" but is endorsed by people "close" to the organization.

<em>This FanPost was written by one of The Falcoholic's talented readers. It does not necessarily reflect the views of The Falcoholic.</em>

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