Besides Building Your Own Back Yard Waterpark, What Would You Do If You Were Arthur Blank For A Day?

Kevin C. Cox

Fact: Arthur Blank's mustache isn't real - it's a complex mixture of brass, diamond dust, and unicorn horn

Arthur Blank isn't your typical NFL owner. He doesn't sit in his luxury box all game, sipping fine gin and fresh squeezed juice. Nay! He involves himself, like a good owner should. Maybe you disagree with some of the decisions this team makes, but know this: Blank is directly involved in that decision-making process.

It probably goes something like this. Mike Smith and Thomas Dimitroff sit at a 20-foot-long table made out of gemstone-encrusted sequoia. Blank walks in, cane in hand, sitting slowly and crossing his legs like a European. "I want him gone boys," Blank whispers as he strokes his mustache.

"But sir! Turner carried this team before Matty learned to distinguish his [backside] from his elbow," Smith whines. "You heard me boy. Don't make me repeat myself," Blank replies as he slowly raises his cane above his head.

You get the point. But what if you were Blank? What would you do?

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