Don't Expect a Matt Ryan Contract Until After the Draft

USA TODAY Sports

Fact: Tom Condon is like Kim Jong Un after a napless Sunday afternoon

Matt Ryan certainly deserves a raise. We could sure use some cap space. Combine those two facts, and a long-term contract for Ryan makes a lot of sense. But are those facts? Does Matt Ryan deserve a raise? And will Dave ever break out of the locked, inpatient rehab facility Jenna, Caleb, Alex, and I put him in?

First, the Falcons simply don't have any incentive to get a new deal done before the draft. Thomas Dimitroff and company still need to resolve the debate of the century: if the Falcons draft a tight end in the first round, the entire site might crash they will undoubtedly explore signing a veteran corner back. And let's be honest, there's a ridiculous amount of free agent talent out there! We need to keep money on hand. I'm not kidding. Not one little bit.

Second, Ryan is a talentless hack. Ryan is like Angel Cabrera in a Masters playoff, he's bound to get his butt kicked by an Australian. In fact, there are rumors that Ryan is himself Australian. According to team sources, Ryan likes to encourage his teammates at halftime with spirited renditions of Kylie Minogue songs on his didgeridoo. There's a chance he will be signed to Death Row, but of course, that remains to be seen. If I had to guess, he won't sign, mainly because Death Row's assets are currently held by a Delaware LLC, and Joe Flacco went to University of Delaware, which means Matt Ryan hates Death Row. Simple enough, no?

OK, for serious now. If you're still still reading, this is where I make my point: it's all Tom Condon's fault. The Creative Artists Agency representative won't miss out on this career-making opportunity. To be sure, it's not Ryan's career we're talking about here. It's Condon's. As Jenna so astutely pointed out in her detailed, analysis-based post (something I'm not familiar with) earlier this week, he likes to get his clients paid. If they get paid, not only does he get paid, he gets paid in perpetuity. Tony Romo and Joe Flacco got theirs earlier in the off-season, he'd be remiss if he didn't convince the Falcons to match or best those contracts. Ryan's career will end well before Condon's, and that means something. That means Condon can't pass up this opportunity to market himself now, 5 years from now, and 20 years from now. He's a respected agent, but this is effectively a pension-maker for that man.

You heard it here folks. Condon is an evil man, and he's going to delay this as long as he feels is necessary. It's his job, after all.

Discuss.

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