Atlanta Championship Curse Update

Scott Cunningham

Fact: Since David Lee Roth Choate became a Falcons fan in 2006, the Falcons have not won a championship

Alright, Cubs fans, I hear you. 100+ years of no World Series is a terrible thing. Your grandpa was born, lived, and died without seeing a Cubs World Series win. But you know what?

You've got nothing on Georgia residents.

The Atlanta Falcons have existed since 1966. NO championships. The Atlanta Braves, ironically, came to Atlanta in 1966. Coincidence? I think not.

The Atlanta Braves won a World Series in 1995, the year after the strike. Evidently, nobody cared about baseball in 1995, according to some, but it doesn't matter. They beat the Cleveland Indians, the only city more cursed than Atlanta. Therefore, the World Series doesn't count. SO, since 1966, double no championships.

1966, that's 47 years ago, so we're up to 94 years of no championships. Quiet, 1995ers. Nobody cared then.

The last UGA championship was in 1980. That one championship required one of the greatest running backs of all time. And this was pre-"Sling the ball everywhere" era of football. Barely a championship.

"Georgia Tech!" you scream at your monitor. 1990? Yeah, they shared that one. NO CHAMPIONSHIP.

Anybody care about Georgia Southern? No? Okay.

Atlanta Hawks: Came to Atlanta in 1968 (What is it with Atlanta sports and the '60s), no championships.

Atlanta Dream: Came to Atlanta in 2008, their championship hopes begin in a few days. They've been to the WNBA Finals three times (including this one) but they've failed the previous two times. I'm proud of them, though. They're representing ATL very well. STILL NO CHAMPIONSHIPS.

Atlanta Thrashers: 10 years, no championships. How a team with Hossa and Kovalchuk got swept in the first round is beyond me.

So that's, what, 94 + 33 + like 60 (Tech's last championship was in the early 50's) + 45 + 5 + 10 = 247 years of no championships?

"But what about the animals? How could you be so insensitive?" you shout, ready to jump through your monitor.

Fine, fine. I'll account for the animals. I will now use an advanced stat I have just come up with called Animal-adjusted Winning Statistic, or AWS for short.

A bear lives to be about 35, or roughly half the lifespan of an average human. Therefore, the Cubs have an AWS of 200 years of no championships. That's rough on the poor bears.

HOWEVER...

Georgia has suffered much more thanks to AWS.

The Peregrine Falcon, the inspiration for the Atlanta Falcons mascot (I'm assuming) live less than 16 years in the wild, good for making one human year five falcon years.

Therefore, the Falcons have actually gone 235 years without a championship.

But we're not done. Noooo no, we're not.

Let us continue using AWS to explain just how many championships Georgia residents have missed:

Braves: 47 years, they're human so they don't need an adjusted mark.

Bulldogs: 33 years - AWS: 231 years

Thrashers: 10 years - AWS: 60 years

Hawks: 45 years - AWS: 158 years

Yellow Jackets: 60 years - AWS: 16,800 years

Dream: 5 years - AWS:  525,600 years.

With these adjustments, Georgia residents have been without a championship for...

543,141 years!

Sorry, Cubs fans, what were you complaining about?

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