Dealing with Preseason Cheerleaders and REJECTION

Disclaimer: This post is Rated RRR for Ridiculously R Rated. Not really, I've done worse.

Nothing but talk about the players... How Matt Ryan throws, why Turner is looking like a slow cooker, Julio and Roddy talking this and that.. Baker sucks ass.. but what about the cheerleaders? Who is always watching their backsides? Me, that's who.

Don't forget that preseason is an important time for the eye candy that will be gracing our sidelines throughout the upcoming football season. I haven't seen one post about them, their performance, the pressure, the outfits, or if they miss me a lot. After all, I did travel with them to exotic locations to photograph them.

They love me.

BUT, I got rejected by someone who gets paid by the Atlanta Falcons to sit behind a desk and break hearts.

My heart is broken.

I'm going to cry myself to bed tonight.

I sent an email to the cheerleader coordinator or whatever her official title is so I could request some cheerleader presence at the upcoming San Diego Chargers game. Thanks to Muuzilla's generosity, we had an extra ticket for one special and extremely lucky Falcons cheerleader.

Muuzilla and I were arguing over which cheerleader we send an invitation to. Well, not really. I thought I would just be myself, a selfish weirdo, and shoot off an email to request the attendance of my favorite cheerleader. You guys might remember her from one of my previous posts... the lovely Natalie S.


I was turned down. Not sure why. But I'm guessing it's because I started my email with "Good evening Mr." and I was really writing a woman all along. I didn't know that. They didn't have it next to her email address. She shouldn't have taken that personally, I'm sure she gets it all the time.

Well, as promised to Muuzilla, here's a copy of the original email and the reply I got:





From: Kash Berry []

Sent: Thursday, August 23, 2012 5:04 PM

To: Waters, Chato

Subject: Cheerleaders for hire inquiry

Good evening Mr. Waters, my name is Kash and I live in California.

Along with 18 other people, I will be attending the Falcons@Charger game on Sunday, September 23.

I was wondering how much it would cost me to invite and hire Natalie S. to come to San Diego, tailgate, and cheer on the Falcons in Qualcomm Stadium with fellow Falcoholics. We could really use an honest and solid cheerleader presence. We have a ticket with her name on it. We will wine and dine her properly.

I look forward to hearing back from you and please let her know she is free to email me directly.

Thank you for your time.

Have a great evening,






Nice and professional, right? I know, I know.. thank you, thank you very much. I try.

Now, here's the devastatingly painful reply I received:







Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2012 06:07:35 -0400

Subject: RE: Cheerleaders for hire inquiry

Hi there, I hope you are well today. Thank you for the invitation. Unfortunately, the Atlanta Falcons Cheerleaders are unable to attend your event. Thank you

Mrs. Chato B. Hendrix

Atlanta Falcons Cheerleaders, Coordinator

4400 Falcon Parkway

Flowery Branch, GA 30542





Nonsense, right? You guys agree, right? Anyone disagree? I want to hear about it.

Write to:


I dont give a fuck lane

fuck off, ca 26969

I look forward to reading fan mail.

While I wait for those fan letters, let's all take a moment to say a big, warm thank you to all of the hard working cheerleaders. Think about posts of appreciation like this as you're undressing them (or moving their bottoms to the side, like I'd prefer) as they dance on the sideline. They work hard.

So hard, one almost made it to the olympics, kind of, sort of... remember?

So here's some more pictures of Natalie S. and other cheerleaders, most of them from the recent home pre-season games. You can thank me later.









Oh, and Natalie S., if you see this and you want to come party, hit me up.

I know you're a christian gal and all this and that, like I read on your profile...

.. but COME ON... you're dressed provocatively, shaking your ass at football games... What would Jesus' dog do?


He'd tell Kashberry to just go for it, so that's what I'm doing. You know you want to email me. We'll save that ticket for you.

San Diego is going to be fun.. you can sit between me and Muuzilla, and we'll try to focus on the game with you sitting there.

Out of control? Yes. Love it.

Anyone offended by anything I say? So am I. I just offended myself. So let's stay off of the internet. Full of opinions and comments and pictures which may offend or arouse you. Let's leave this deadly internet behind and eat apples in the nude!! I'm leading the way!!

Take care Falcoholics,


Proudly representing the SoCal Falcons! Whoop Whoop!


<em>This FanPost was written by one of The Falcoholic's talented readers. It does not necessarily reflect the views of The Falcoholic.</em>

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