Sean Payton Really is an Evil Genius

If you have a minute read this article in its entirety because you will have a whole new appreciation for the evil that is Sean Payton. To sum it all up: Sean Payton is smarter than any of us and is the Lex Luthor of the NFL.

“Unless Roger Goodell pulls another Roger Goodell and smites Sean Payton for the hell of it, Payton is about to become the most coveted, most expensive free agent coach in NFL history.”

Payton put a strange clause in his contract that would make the contract extension through 2015 voided if Mickey Loomis (the Saints GM) was suspended. Why would anyone put this in their contract except if they fully expected their GM to get suspended? He knew that the bounty program he supported would eventually be discovered and created his own Golden Parachute. This Golden Parachute is so good that even the big bank guys are saying “DDDDAAAMMMMNNN, he is getting away with what?!?!?!”.

As a Falcons fan, this only proves what we have known all along. He is an evil, evil man and extremely intelligent. We can take solace in the fact that his evilness will cost the Saints Franchise in one of two ways.

-The Saints Front Office is now in a bidding war with several other teams for the Evil Genius and will have to pay big bucks to keep him. This will also cost them their souls as well because I am sure that is somewhere in Payton’s plans.

-Another team….. Who am I kidding? Jerry Jones gives the Evil Genius a fat contract and off the Dallas he goes. The Saints hire Norv Turner and continue their downward spiral.

Either way, Payton wins and wins big.

If he stays with the Saints he will look like the loyal head coach and prodigal son. He experienced the temptation of other teams and is back to save the Saints and bring them more glory. This will also allow him to use his evil genius to pick up all the drunken skanks in the French Quarter unabated as his Ex-Wife and children are far away in Dallas. He will be accepted with open arms by Saints fans and all will be forgiven. Oh yeah, and he will be paid a lot of money.

If he goes to Dallas he will lauded as the second coming of Landry or Johnson. He will be treated like a Rock Star coach and instantly make the Cowboys perennial Super Bowl favorites. This will also help his image as a family man, keeping him close to his children, but also close enough to a major airport to take sabbaticals to the Bahamas and plan for the next football season. Oh yeah, and did I mention he will be paid a lot of money.

I hope he goes to Dallas. I would love to say it is because I believe that even though a family is torn apart by divorce, that the children should still have both parents close by…. But that would be a lie. I want him to leave the Saints because of him being an Evil Genius. He has had the Falcons number since becoming a head coach and I want that to end. Let the NFC East deal with his douche bagginess. We Falcons know all about a douche bag coach leaving.

As for the Saints fans, I feel for all of you. I it seems like kicking you while you are down, but that is what you get when you side with a coach that is pretty much a comic book villain. Don’t worry; they still give out paper bags at the grocery store. With your team’s recent success, go ahead and spend the 99 cents on the reusable ones. No use killing the environment because that is exactly what an Evil Genius would want you to do.

<em>This FanPost was written by one of The Falcoholic's talented readers. It does not necessarily reflect the views of The Falcoholic.</em>

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