News outlets across the nation have begun reporting that Atlanta Falcon Fans have egged the saint’s charter bus upon the saints player’s arrival at Hartfield-Jackson International Airport.
The story originated from within the bus after a few whiny saints players began tweeting their thoughts. We don’t really care, but here they are anyways so that this news article remains as unbiased as every other news article out there in the world:
@ChaseDaniel: Wow, as we're boarding buses on the Tarmac @ Atlanta airport, we start getting eggs thrown @ us by airport workers! Guess they do hate us! I'm such a little baby.
@JimmyGraham: Bus just got egged after landing in ATL by the ramp workers. Still classier than us! Ftw
@wherring54 First time my bus has been egged by opposing fans! Good thing I didn't get any in my hair!! #WhoDatBigBaby
We have a Falcoholic-Exclusive scenes and reports. Unfortunately, our assistant didn’t pack the video camera, so there’s no video. But it’s definitely better than a few tweets that could have easily been written by the player’s teenage daughters, and not themselves.
Here are the very first image to surface, taken right after Falcons fans ran out of eggs:
As you can see, saints players were quite unsettled. They won’t ever want eggs for breakfast again…
…if they could ever have breakfast again.
EvilFalcon used this as an opportunity to summon the great evil falcon from the fiery pits of hell to Rise Up and bring the ruckus to every saints player, saints coach, saints staff member, saints fan in Georgia, and saint fans on The Falcoholic. The official troll of The Falcoholic, Hollywood Saint, reportedly escaped in time and has changed his allegiance to the team he surely loves more to begin with. He’s a closet Falcons fan, but he can’t admit it, because he’d rather look his father in the eyes and tell him he’s coming out of the closet.
Wow… what an unfortunate turn of events. There! We’re still continuing to be unbiased and classy over here! But we really don't care about the saints ending their regular season journey in hell.
Luckily for all of us, the one and only Dave Choate sacrificed his midnight Croquet match to provide even more details. All I received was a noisy audio file, but here’s a transcript of the audio… I’m firing the assistant tomorrow, by the way.
[beginning of transcript]
Dave: We have someone live at the scene, but with no video camera we’re going to have to settle with a 1930’s style radio broadcast. Tiffany was the only reporter in the area who was still awake. Tiffany, what’s that scene like down there?
Tiffany: Well Dave, the scene out here is pretty complicated, to say the very least. Mourners of saint players showed up, and then Atlanta Fans started egging them too. The giant evil falcon is still lurking in the darkness of the night sky, periodically swooping down to rid Georgia of the filth that found its way out of the swamps of lousianna.
Dave: Brees last words?
"I didn’t get a big enough contract for this."
[end of transcript]
The NFC South is now down to three teams, but everyone outside of lousianna is already over it. AEG owner Philip Anschutz has wasted no time in beginning negotiations of franchising a new NFC South team in Downtown Los Angeles. In fact, the NFL has been sick enough of the smelly cajun team and their one ring* that the new LA franchise has been approved. The new team will take the field in 2013, playing their first few seasons in the Coliseum until Farmer’s Field construction is completed in time for the 2016 season. SoCal Falcoholics are beginning to plan their annual trip to Downtown LA to watch the Falcons destroy the new NFL team.
The best news of all? We don’t have to hear/read/see any more connections being made between natural disasters and the great sport of American football.
Take that saint fans! Now get off our blog! Good bye! Smell ya later!