A Potential Falcons Free Agent: Tiki Barber

by Dave Choate on Mar 9, 2011 11:30 AM EST in Editorial

Let's level, Falcons fans. You're tired of the bruising running style of Michael Turner. You're exhausted by Jerious Norwood and his injury merry-go-round. Jason Snelling sounds more like the owner of an apple orchard than a running back. You're tired of the team having so much talent at running back, all under the age of 30. It's downright wearying!

I get it. The problem is, up until now, the free agents out there have been...talented. The draft is filled with too much young talent, too. What we want is someone old, someone whose passion for the game has been questioned constantly, a guy who hasn't played in the league since 2006.

We need Tiki Barber.

I know. You're saying to yourself, "a career average of 4.7 yards per carry? Over 10,000 yards?! This guy is talented and I hate that!" I hear you. I do. But the major advantage he has over guys like Jerome Harrison is the fact that he's 36 years old and walked away from the game while he was still playing at a high level so he could leap into a lucrative post-football career. Can Snelling say he's done that? No, he cannot.

And why stop at Tiki Barber? Terrell Owens is out there! We could get Troy Aikman to back up Matt Ryan! Raid the nursing home for cornerbacks! Exhume the remains of Otto Graham! I want the oldest team in the NFL on the field, complaining loudly about their Social Security and stocking Gatorade coolers with Jell-O. That's how you win a championship.

If there's two things the Falcons lack, it's age and ineffectiveness. Let's fix that and sign Barber right now.

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clap...clap...clap...

/Standing Ovation commences.

by KMarch on Mar 9, 2011 11:51 AM EST reply actions

I hear

Darelle Green still runs a 4.4 forty. We should sign him. LOL And a spry Drew Pearson could help push Jenks and Douglas. Right? Nice piece though.

by Kushion on Mar 9, 2011 12:04 PM EST reply actions

Darelle Green still runs a 4.4 forty.

Quoted for truth.

Remember to stretch before running to BVG injuries.

by VaderX5 on Mar 9, 2011 12:10 PM EST up reply actions

Dave you had me scared for a second there until I read it.

by Fear Me on Mar 9, 2011 12:07 PM EST reply actions

That's what I was going for!

by Dave Choate on Mar 9, 2011 12:36 PM EST up reply actions

I've always liked Bronko Nagurski

Such a bad a$$ name

by aces666high on Mar 9, 2011 12:13 PM EST reply actions

No doubt!

We need a guy who is not only a media whore but a divisive locker room lawyer who throws teammates under the bus. Lets get this done Tommy D!

by bobulated on Mar 9, 2011 12:17 PM EST reply actions

haha,

Hershel Walker is still in pretty good shape too!

by James Corley on Mar 9, 2011 12:52 PM EST reply actions

Please

Send some guys down and pick up Brett Favre. Sit Matt Ryan. He needs some more time to develop.

I like Hamburgers!

by Grumps on Mar 9, 2011 1:10 PM EST reply actions 3 recs

That is EDSBS level writing.

Well done. Rec’s all around.

Revis Island is a gotdamn archipelago compared to Lawrence Planet

by Bonhoffer on Mar 9, 2011 1:12 PM EST reply actions

While were at it let's just put together an all 1980's-1990's team

Montana, Rice, Emitt, Lawrence Taylor oh wait he’s in the pokey.

Rule #1: Double tap.

by Ball Hawk on Mar 9, 2011 1:33 PM EST via mobile reply actions

Hey lets not forget about that GapTooth Sackmaster Himself

Mr. Strahan, he would be a BEAST opposite Abe __

Rise Up! Its more than a statement, its the definition and belief in a franchise!
(A True ATLien)

by Dirtybyrdatl4life on Mar 9, 2011 1:35 PM EST reply actions

this

is without a doubt my favourite ever article on football, well done good sir

by RANewton on Mar 9, 2011 1:48 PM EST reply actions

...lol

by FLA_Falcon on Mar 9, 2011 2:20 PM EST via mobile reply actions

You were asking for more feature ideas.

We need a rant thread. Either daily or weekly to just come in and blow off steam about whatever it may be.

For example in my online dynasty I am VT. Undefeated and ranked #1 playing a user game at home against #7 Miami. I’m down 16 going into the 4th quarter. I come back to tie it up 35-35 with 9 seconds left. We get disconnected with 3 seconds left in regulation. A freaking hour of my life wasted! Lol

by FLA_Falcon on Mar 9, 2011 2:26 PM EST via mobile reply actions

Great...

…thanks to this post, Snelling will likely retire from the NFL to open an apple orchard. Thanks for floating the idea, Dave. Now, we’ll have to re-sign Byron Hanspard.

I am bi-winning. I win not only here but also there.

by Jman781 on Mar 9, 2011 2:31 PM EST reply actions