(will spell check this tomorrow... I'm calling it a night)
WARNING - YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 17 YEARS OLD TO READ THIS POST.
THIS POST DOES NOT REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE FALCOHOLIC. Instead, it reflects the views of an angry weirdo. At least I'm not a creepy weirdo.
This is such HORRIBLE timing, and so LATE in the week. And this post is so long.. 5781 words. You know you want to scroll down to the poll. Go ahead! Best poll yet.
It's merely a coincidence that I haven't been on here after making it publicly known that I would be at the game in Houston. And man, I wish I wasn't at that game. Think it was bad watching it on TV? Oh, man... I wish I missed that game.
My internet was shut off while I was out of town. I was in the process of switching internet service providers. After 5 technicians, somebody finally got it to work last night. Then I realized what crap it was, and had them turn it off.
Now, I'm back with the same company I had before.
Well, Sunday is still fresh on my mind. It might be a blessing in disguise that I wasn't able to get on here before, or else this entire post would have looked like that emotional saints post-game rant...
This is going to be longer than last time. Here goes..
For the second post in a row, I must sincerely apologize to Mr. Rutherford, Mr. Rael, Mr. Kirk, Mr. Shultz, and our fearless leader, Mr. Choate.
This post has three long parts to it - A few words followed by the Houston Recap, from a live-in-Reliant-Stadium point of view - and of course, the Anti's. Which I'm not proud of this week. Except for Mularkey's... I'm damn proud of that fucking award this week. I got a little help from my friend too.
I'd like to thank Caleb in advance. I needed you little buddy! Lol... Sorry you couldn't get the game in the mountains! No, I won't embarrass you by putting up the bigfoot picture your friend emailed to me.
Yes, I will suggest getting a radio app if you have a smart phone... I'm going to try out mine for the first time against the Panthers. Don't ask how, but the last two years I've accidently had to catch the Falcons@Panthers game on the radio. This year, I'm officially turning it into my own tradition. With the exception of the day I'm in Carolina for a Falcons game, I'll be catching the Caroline road games on the radio... go traditions, go. They have to start somehow.
I've read through game threads and saw a lot of posts get thrown up.
It saddens me to see what it takes for people to actually take the time to write a post, because I never saw that many posts go up in that short of a time span before.
I feel for the fans who have been watching this team and rooting for victories for decades. Trust me, I can feel the pain you have for never seeing your team win the Superbowl.
You guys, don't hate me for having a Laker logo in my picture. That's what I was born into. I love playing and watching basketball. It has nothing to do with the Atlanta Falcons. I keep those two separate. Two Laker championships in a row didn't make me feel good about seeing the Falcons get annihlated in the playoffs by Green Bay in the silent Georgia Dome. And I too was so crushed by that lost on Sunday. We definitely handed that victory over to the Texans on a silver platter.
I wished I was at home, but I wasn't. I was at the Stadium, watching the nightmare unfold. I wished I would have woken up, and then realized it was time to take a shower and get to Reliant Stadium to see what would have happened in the same game minus the over throws and dropped passes.
Oh, man... I was crushed. But I'm not ready to begin the Houston recap. I still have some more words for Falcon fans everywhere.
Quit giving each other a hard time and quit saying we have to trade Julio Jones. He's shown some great potential, and has been complete shit at other times. Isn't that the story of the whole team this year? Sad, but true.
Even with all the inconsistency, we have playoff hopes still since the NFC is 7-5. 10 wins might be enough to sneak in, and then it's a whole new season at 0-0.
Ball Hawk put it best.
I won't quote you Sir Hawk, but you put everyone in check with the fact that this team has a winning record and playoff hopes. You're one of the many fans on here who have been watching this team lose for years. This generation of Falcons coaches/players is pretty damn good, and this team definitely has a shot at a Superbowl. I've read through Falcon history - It ain't pretty.
Though, I wouldn't say the Superbowl was this year because this year we're way too inconsistent. Not writing off a team that can suddenly find it's groove extremely late in the season, though. Matt Ryan had to play two teams in the playoffs who did just that, and both teams he lost to went to the Superbowl, and one of those #6 teams won. I'll still mightily cheer for this team, continueing this week against the Panthers.
Next year, we'd be looking Superbowl good if:
-Our defense got even better
-Mularkey was coaching the Jaguars, and we got an Offensive coordinator who could light a fire under the offense's ass and actually surpasses the potential that this talent has
-Matt "Money" Bryant remains Matt "Money" Bryant
-Special teams improves behind the leg of Anti-Anti Award Winning Matt Bosher (More on this later)
-We come out of the gate swinging
-We remain healthy
-A few crucial plays goes our way/the necessary well-timed luck
Yea, I know that's a long list. Not really, that's what it would take. Let me know if I forgot something.
Oh, yea, I did forget something-
-A fanbase that puts the past behind them and actually BELIEVES in their team. A fanbase that will stop pretending to rise up and actually RISE UP AND GET FUCKING LOUD AT EVERY FUCKING GAME.
Shame on you golf clappers who attend the games in the Georgia Dome. I started noticing that quiet GA Dome trend last year.
Texan fans fucking BROUGHT IT to Reliant Stadium on Sunday. That dome's roof was going to get blown the fuck out.
Seattle is known as the loudest stadium in the NFL, and I was there last year- Seattle was loud. Reliant Stadium was Seattle loud.
So, don't hate me just because I'm pointing the truth out- man up and GET LOUD at the GEORGIA DOME. Make that place impossible to play in. Like it's that fucking hard to quit crying and start believing? If you don't want to RISE UP then don't watch the games, and definitely don't attend the game. A stadium half full of Kashberries would be MUCH louder than a stadium full of debbie-downers, playing on their phone with the belief that the team's just going to lose anyways.
And BELIEVE in this team WINNING. Be Optimistic, not pestimistic. Yea, it hurts when you believe. And it's hurt many for years upon years. But you still do it. Because that's what being a real fan is about. You ride the lows and highs. THere will be highs... you will get a championship... it will happy, and for those of you who have been in love with this team for years, the superbowl victory will bring tears to your eyes. Extremely happy tears.
And let's get a petition started up and sent over to Arthur Blanks office. Let it be known how bad we all want Mularkey gone.
I want him gone so bad I wrote a song for him...
But First, it's more on Houston time.
I'll bust it out in quick-as-possible-but-totally-unorganized-because-thats-how-I-write-everything three phases of emotion...
Phase 1 - Hope
You know, keeping my mentality in check before attending a game is really hard. I try to stay neutral, and I try to just go with the flow. Before traveling, people will say "you've got that W", etc., but I try not to think about it. Before the game, I'll explore the city, drink, think about other stuff, drink, and then drink.
Same case here... although it was more difficult.
I was in a bad mood on Saturday thanks to an awful delay in Denver.
By the way, how is it cheaper for an airline to send me on three flights, instead of a direct flight? I have to pay them for convenience right? It doesn't make sense. One of many problems with this world that can be fixed, but will never be fixed. I was pissed off in Denver, waiting for an hour and a half to get a plane deiced. Then I missed my flight in San Antonion because of that delay and had to wait another hour and a half.
So, in San Antonio I needed a pick-me-up. By the time I got across the airport to my new terminal, I had about 20 minutes before boarding time. I sat in a restaurant, chowed down on a snack, and drank 4 beers in 10 minutes. Then got on the plane, and felt much better. Got to Houston, sped away in my rental.
DESTROYED the Houston freeways. You live in Houston? You saw a Nissan Altima in and out of the shoulder lane? You thought that person was INSANE?
Yea, that was me. Congratulations to myself - nobody can do better.
Saturday night, I was on a blind date that wasn't so good. That's all I have to say about that. In a bar, I got a hug from a Falcon fan that was born in England and placed in Houston to live his life. I told him about this page, but the way.
Got back to my room, passed up the strip club next door- those places are horrible for me. Hot women pretending to throw themselves at me. It's awful. Why can't they really throw themselves at me? I would have been in there for sure.
I went to bed really late, and slept about 4 hours, after sleeping about 4 hours.
Phase 2 - Rage
Woke up Sunday morning to a quick scare. You know when you wake up, and you think you're late for something?
You go, "Oh Fuck! Oh, oh.. oh.. okay, it's only ____"
That's what happened to me. Didn't think nothing of it besides being happy that it was indeed the time I was planning on waking up at.
Got dressed from head to toe in my Falcons armor, and then departed for the battle grounds - Reliant Stadium.
Nice looking stadium... I think I say that about every stadium.. and I should, those fucking rich assholes have more than enough money to spend on their home fields.
Before the game, nobody really said anything to me that was rude. About three different groups were like "Hey Falcon Fan! You're going down!" But they were smiling and stuff- it was all good. I'm okay with some pre-game fun. I was expecting it anyways. Especially when I pulled into the parking lot- tailgaters EVERYWHERE. I had to park in the middle of them all, and I just hoped nobody would mess with the Altima.
In the stadium, and took a few pictures... but nothing you can't google yourself, so I'll save Dave some bandwith here...
Had a breakfast of champions - BBQ beef sandwich and a beer. And then another beer. And another. Was on my 4th beer when the game started.
(Sigh...) the game....
I was so pissed from the get-go. I have been dreaming of the game that the Falcons would open a game with a shot at the throats of the opponent. That Stadium was rocking, and if Matt Ryan doesn't overthrow Roddy White.... yea yea yea, we know.
One of many times that I had to vent by pounding my fist into my thigh... at home I wouldv'e kicked a bird cage over... yea, I'm bird sitting for a friend right now.
And the next play? Same thing, a for-sure touchdown ruined by Matt Ryan's errant throw. Another fist into thigh. Cue loud cursings while those sitting around me thought I was fucking nuts. I was fucking nuts! And you were too, so you can relate.
And then... another dream of mine came true- the flea flicker! But, that was poorly thrown and then intercepted. Matt Ryan flustered by the noise? It was noisy. You all must have noticed it.
THATS why the GA Dome needs to be rocking, by the way. There's your perfect example. The noise can ruin a player, and that's all the justification I have for Matt Ryan.
IF Matt Ryan threw a good ball, it would more than likely would have been dropped.
Drop here, drop there, everyone was in on the drop party. For a moment, I thought I was on the field dropping a pass too! It was a dropathon. Dave was going to change the name of this page to The Dropaholic.
The Drop-Tastic-Adventure spawned one of many one-time awards this week. More on that later (I think I owe you guys three things so far).
The refs were just plain pathetic all game long, for both teams. I hate refs in every sport, and I don't need to give them anymore attention than I have in the past - they suck.
Halftime... 10-3. Not so bad.. we can come out swinging, right? Right? PLEASE? Nope.... 2nd half was 1st part two, except much more crushing.
More beer, much more please. I am in desperate need of another beer right now (3rd quarter).
Fast forward to 4th quarter, many fist-into-thighs, air-punches, and fuck-this-fuck-thats later... Falcons, you just had to keep me there till the last possible moment, didn't you?
I would have rather lost 50-0. At least then I could have left in the 3rd quarter, minus the celebrating assholes on the way out of the stadium.
But nope, I had to watch the last play with 0:01 left on the clock.
My packer-fan -friend, says after the game, kept telling me Matt Ryan choked. I said "DId you watch the game? YOu didn't, so don't tell me what happened." THen he said, "He choked."
It was a convo through text messaging, so he couldn't see how mad I was that he said that.
Instead of saying something like "fuck you, I hope rodgers breaks his leg before playing us in the playoffs" I just ignore him and erased him out of my phonebook. Ignoring people is worse than cursing them out when it's friends or family.
His words were uncalled for. I think he was in a bad mood - fighting with the old lady or something. I have ZERO tolerance for people rubbing ANd loss in my face, much less a game I attended that went the way it did.
0:01 left on the clock. At this point, I had prepared for a quick escape by getting out of my seat and watching from the aisleway. Well, actually I got up when the Texans got the ball for the last time. If they got a first down, it would have been a wrap. So for the last couple minutes, I stood and watched. Hopeful... and full of rage.
The game began with an overthrown touchdown. And it ended with a dropped touchdown.
My steeler-fan-friend later told me that him and his buddy watched the last couple minutes of the game. Like family would, he screamed in agony at the sight of that dropped ball, for he knew what pain that caused me all the way in Houston.
How often does that happen anyways? With one second left, a 30 yard throw was on the money... forget the drop for a second, when does it get that close to begin with? Almost never.
And then cue the VICIOUSLY ANGRY Falcon fan storming out of Reliant Stadium.
Alone in midst of HAPPY Texans, cheerful and gleeful.
Most left me alone, but a few didn't. They chose to rub it in. See open letters below for those details (4th promise).
I'm glad it was lightly raining. Perfectly fit the mood... besides, when you are extremely upset, you don't notice the rain soaking you up anyways.
My legs are STILL sore from storming out of the stadium and to my rental - about 1.5 miles maybe? I was so pissed off. I was just trying to keep a level head, and get the fuck out of the vicinity of every happy texan. Heard some fireworks going off. I didn't look back for them. Those weren't my fireworks.
My fireworks were going off in my head.
Hmm.. I was going to put the open letters after phase 3, but they're much more appropriate here. So here they are.
They're offensive. Don't yell at me if you read these and get mad. You chose to read them. And I'll be in Atlanta some day soon in case you want to discuss them in person. Oh, and I think I need some home cooking... so I'm going to go ahead and plan a New Years Trip. I'll see if it's within my budget. If it is, I'm going. Probably alone. Fuck it, I'll tail gate by myself in the parking lot. I'm sure I'll meet some hot Falcon Fan babes that don't want to see me alone. I'll just lie and say my friends stood me up. "This is why I have so much meat to share with you ladies.."
Well, actually neither would be a lie. My friends did stand me up, and yes- I have meat for the ladies.
Oh, carried away yet again.
Letters from Houston!!!
Dear Married Couple,
I thought Texas would be the last state to let two men get married, and so you two must have been traveling from out of state, like I was. Not really, I guarantee you weren't traveling. Well, aside from coming down from brokeback mountain.
I'm a couple minutes out of the stadium, a couple minutes after the game. Passing every cheerful fan up, as I was walking quite angrily. My angry walk is fast and hard. You know, the way you two like it while in bed with each other.
I heard some girly man say "Hey Matt Ryan, you suck!" and another girly man giggle like a chick, and it came from behind (you know, from the direction you like to take it from the most).
I turned around, and simply said "Shut the fuck up you fair weathered hosers."
Did I get hosers from The Falcoholic somewhere? Because I don't know where that came from. But I'm glad I was quick on my feet with that one.
I then gave you the middle finger, and continued on my way.
I could have been a dumb ass, out of control person who would have kicked both your asses. But, even in my state of anger, I was smart enough to skip this battle.
Or I can look at it like I defended myself against you two male riders, and you both chose not to take it further.
Wise decision, because you two still had a money shot to collect at home in celebration of your team's victory. In seasons past, you watched games from home for the first quarter before changing the channel to some chick drama on lifetime.
Now, all of the sudden you're the Texan's number one fans right??... please... give me a break.
Shortly after, I ran across some more fair weathered hosers....
Dear Five Backstreet Boy Lovers,
You all just finished sucking each others cocks right before the game ended. I could see you wiping the remnants of each other off each others lips as I was stomping my way through the parking lot towards my rental. You guys all had another bonding moment when you got to try to pick on me. Just like the two male asshole eaters before you, you guys wouldn't say a damn thing if you were by yourself. I wouldn't say a damn thing if I was with 19 people, because I don't roll like that. I'm not a pussy.
Shocked, you all looked, after you started giving me shit and I screamed at the top of my lungs-
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!"
It takes a lot for me to yell, let alone SCREAM. And those two assholes before you couldn't even get me to yell.
After telling the five of you to shut up, the ball was in your court. You all could have proceeded to try to jump me.
Good thing you didnt, because I would have shoved the ball into your throats.
And then got arrested.
Point is... be careful who you provoke. They might make your wish come true. And kill you.
Dear Five Nice Guys,
You all are smart, because you saw how pissed I was. You guys were friendly, because you started saying things like "Aw, man, it ain't that bad. Come on dude!" in a non-sarcastic tone.
I apologize for being a bit rude, as I didn't even slow down to say "I didn't come all the way from California for this shit."
As I continued to storm through the parking lot, I heard voices getting more and more distant... "California? That guy came from...."
Yes, I did. And how sad. That's why there's a sad phase.
But first, one more letter to write.
Dear Four People in the truck that I hope toppled over a cliff after I lost sight of you for good,
I was on the freeway moments after leaving the Reliant Stadium Parking lot. I had just got into my desired lane and started cruising. Disciplined, I knew I must be. For I didn't want to get pulled over for wreckless driving. Wreckless driving is comfortable with me, but I didn't need to risk anything after managing to make it this far.
There was an accident on the freeway, because some idiot couldn't control his car. There I sat, going 0.5 miles per hour, patiently waiting for my turn to go through the one open lane and back onto the free freeway.
You spotted my jersey from behind and from above, because I was in a Nissan Altima, and you jabronies were in some sort of overrated pick up truck.
You were all waiting for your moment to hassle the lone Atlanta Falcon fan, who of course just left the game. If I saw you coming, I would have stepped out of my rental while we were inching towards freedom.
But I didn't see you coming, you got your vehicle directly in front of mine, and were all facing me and laughing and pointing and holding up a Foster jersey. I stared coldly into your eyes, and then gave you all the middle finger. You thought that was funny.
Yes you did.
You got free first, and took off.
I still had a couple minutes to go, as I politely let other cars get ahead of me.
But then I was free, and I began to race towards you. Gone, you thought I was.
How'd you like me pulling up next to you with my middle finger sticking out of my rental's window? How'd you like me pulling off one of my big classic "FUCK YOU" moves- getting in front of your lane, stepping on my brakes and forcing you to slow down to 30 mph so you could get a nice long look at my middle finger.
Your faces were no longer full of amusement.
Owned, you fag bags were.
Suck my dick and kiss my ass.
I'm not one to fuck with. Even when I'm alone.
You're lucky I didn't have any spare change in my rental...
I'm done writing letters, so now it's time to get into the third phase before the excruiating Anti Awards.
Phase 3 - Sorrow
I headed straight for the airport, and before I got there, I was done being viciously angry. I then turned into one sad dude. If I was the crying type, I would have been crying. It was pretty sad to have seen that game unfold in person. Forget the hundreds of dollars I spent... that loss was ugly. The team played it's worst game right in front of me.
I didn't tend to my phone after the game. Got some "I'm sorry" texts and a few people who know how I am knew it was best to leave me to myself. I shot a video after the game, while driving through downtown. Hopefully I can get that mixed into Mularkey's song. If not, it was rainy and cloudy, and it is silent, and it is just plain sad.
How pathetic that game was; Makes me shoot sad videos and include "Sorrow" as one of the three phases.
Once I got to the airport, I drank my fucking ass off, when I wasn't supposed to. I had my Falcons gear on still, and so some people would start to ask, but then saw my "don't ask" look in my eyes.
Obviously, I had just left the game I traveled for, as I was at the airport, drinking my ass off.
On a positive note, we didn't ice our own kicker. Saw the cowboys do that against the Cardinals, and then saw the Cardinals win in overtime. Way to go, Cardinals. You kept Dallas down in the playoff race.
I'll take this moment to say I'm sorry for not participating on the twenty posts that went up after the loss. You wouldn't want me to anyways.
Oh, and best national anthem ever in Reliant Stadium on Sunday, by the way... why aren't those always broadcast on tv? When done properly, they're quite moving. No matter how lame this country can seem at times, we have to be proud to be American and proud of our history.
I've gotten the appetizers out of the way, so that must mean it's time for the entre.
This week, there's a first.
For some strange reason and some strange alignment in the solar system, our team has actually swept through the awards this week.
Don't hate me, guys. Hate the committee who votes on these things. Hey, these might help turn the team around. I do take credit for turning Bosher around - he got his own award and now look what happened - he's the fucking punting MAN.
Truth be told, I began writing these on the plane. I was next to a cutie, but she thought I was weird. Funny, as she was laughing, but weird, as she kept looking at me in a funny way.
No mile high club :(
Guess who? I said these awards were swept by one team..
Every week when I set out to write this, I am so happy I don't have to compare Matt Ryan to Rex Grossman.
Matt, You got out-played by a third string rookie. That's something Rex Grossman would do. 4th worst QB rating of your career.
That game is ONE reason why I don't refer to him as "Matty Ice". How can I? He hasn't truly earned his nickname. Nicknames are not handed out to someone just because it sounds awesome. Nicknames are the result of pure athletic awesomeness. Like Matt "Money" Bryant, for instance.
The Predator, The Police, Grimetime/Optimus Grimes, etc..
Loud stadium or not, Mularkey or not, you, Matt Ryan, better not play that bad again. I'm glad you got it out of your system in a regular season game, during a week in which the entire NFC lost.
But man, why'd you do that to us? Why'd you set the tone early with those bad throws?
I guess after those first few passes (I think one/four was completed for a three yard gain) the receiving corps didn't expect to be hit on the chest, and so they began to drop them?
No excuse for them, they're next up on stage-
Everybody got in on the act. Douglas dropped a pass. White dropped a pass. Gonzalez dropped a pass. Mike Smith dropped a pass. Matt Ryan was so bad, he threw a pass into the stands, and yes- I dropped it.
A damn shame too, because I would have turned nothing into something, a five yarder into a fifty yard score.
And Jones... you definitelly dropped the pass that might have proved to erase everything bad about this game: The previous 59:59.
Hey, look at that- Julio is coming to the stage (cue the GA Dome Golf Clap)
Overtime, we might have still lost.
We might have won... and then everyone would be in love with JJ. I would because I wouldn't have to write about him underneath Tebow's picture.
Oh, by the way- Tebow gets off the hook with yet another win against yet another bad team. Will the Broncos ever play a good team? This week, they get a Cutler and Forte-less bears squad in Denver. More on that in the future. And definitely more on that Dolphin Planet premier in the future as well.
Back to the stage, JJ looks nervous at the podium, since Falcon fans across the world are pissed off he dropped a game tying TD pass.
The Falcons traded away everything for this guy- picks for the next ten years, the team bus, a few cheerleaders, and Freddy Falcon's costume.
I'm definitely against trading him away. What's wrong with you guys for suggesting that?
He's only a rookie, he will get much better. Hall of fame potential.
But there will be rocky waters before a smooth sail. Isn't that the case with receivers, period? It's a tough gig. He's got this.
Let's all forget about those "Trade JJ rants".
Here's your motivation-
"I’m with the players," Mularkey told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Tuesday. "I’m getting ready for the Carolina Panthers. Anything else is irrelevant right now. We have to win this game."
Getting ready for the panthers? Like I mentioned before, your playbook is one page long.
It has three plays in it.
And the highlight is the doodle of a dinosaur:
Please Mularkey, focus on your career.
Study for the interview while Matt Ryan calls the shots.
And be sure to lie about what you intend to do when you take over as head coach. It's what people do to get jobs anyways.
Matter of fact, don't fly to Carolina for the game. Just stay home, kick your feet up, and eat your ice cream.
Bosher, you've won the first Anti-Anti Award.
You're the man.
Now keep it up!
And may your improving ways rub off on the rest of the team.
Next week, I'll figure something else out.
This is now officially a regular Anti Award, by the way.
Remember last week when we were bitching (wait, I was? I thought we were all in on that)??
Mularkey didn't handle Grimes' injury properly.
This is why Andre Johnson was able to catch that 50 yard pass. Grimetime is in the game, that ball is batted down or intercepted. "Not on my watch" said Grimes after doing just that.
Mularkey, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go pursue a head coaching opportunity somewhere else.
Hey NFL Owners, I'm just kidding when I write about this guy. Honestly, he's the best- and he'll make your team better, I promise!
No Murlarkey, umm.. I meant... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT GO AWAY! Stay here...
Hey, I have a song for you to prove my feelings for you:
(various interruptions, including a LOUD message notification that replaces the word "you" at 1:43)
Hey Mularkey (via KillerKashberry)
Touching, wasn't it?
Wait, here comes Mike right fucking now! He must be pissed off!
I told you that I needed you little buddy!
PikaCal!!!!!! I choose you!!!!!!
I knew I could count on you in a pinch!
You've helped us all, PikaCal! You really have....
1) 0-12 Colts
Last week: 1
Colts gave the Patriots a run for their money after the last time I saw the score - 31-3 Patriots? Anyways, I got too tied up in Houston to keep track of other games. I still think Manning comes back to lead the Colts to their one victory of 2011. That's in Jacksonville, of all places. Totally winnable. Did anyone see Glabbert playing in the MNF game? That was pretty bad. If it weren't for Matt Ryan in Houston, Glab-blab would have had that Grossman award.
2) 2-10 Rams
Last week: 2
I don't even want to waste too much time on these fuckers. They've let themselves down. How on earth are the Colts going to lose two/four games? Have I predicted they'll be in the playoffs next year yet? Rams and Colts in the playoffs next year. Texan fans in Texas resort to watching their team through November only.
3) 2-10 Vikings
Last week: 3
Lamies couldn't even beat Tebow... Sigh... nothing left in the tank for you right now. Wait, I have more energy. Please embarrass the Saints. Find a way... they've proven they'll lose to weak teams. Please TRY and BEAT THEM... Thanks!
4) 3-9 Jaguars
Last week: 4
Last week, I spoke of LA Jaguars. This week, it's Mularkey's Fag Jags... Mularkey would do some really good things with this team. I can see it now... Maurice Jones Drew, up the middle. Maurice Jones Drew, up the middle. Hey look! It's Maurice Jones Drew, up the middle!
5) 4-8 Redskins
Last week: fortunate enough to escape my wrath
There are now six teams who have identical records of 4-8. Why are the Redskins #5 on The Powerless Rankings? Haven't you been torturing yourself by reading these Anti's each week? Haven't you see Rex Grossman's picture on The Falcoholic before? It's a no brainer. I was tempted to put the Eagles though. Gotta kick those fuckers while they're down. Dream team my ass.
The rest of the 4-8 teams are on The Mud Shores:
Dolphins are leading the mud-slingers because they would probably beat any of these weak-sauce teams.
The Positive Left Vs. Right Award: Sextuplets
You think, after Sunday, I would be able to be satisfied with only having two girls to choose from?
That loss was painful, and so we need to choose between two teams of three girls.
Which three do you desperately need?