The Grinch


Love is in the Air.

.... that was my original post title, but then I realized who I was - The Grinch.

Brief post that might be read. It will definitely be un-rec'd.

And sorry, no Babilicious Babes here. So if you came for a hottie vs. hottie poll, go ahead and click 'back' or 'screw Kashberry' on your browser.

41-14, a great victory. But it's what we were supposed to do. We played a 4-9 team with Gabbert running the circus show. Gabbert is a step below Mularkey in offensive ability. We are familiar with Mularkey, and so we know Gabbert is as good as I am while sitting on my couch staring at my Tori Black poster.

Last week, we hit the snooze button on the Panthers. Hey, guess what - they also had 4 wins when we played them.

The week before that? We lost to the #1 AFC team. The Texans will be #3 when all is said and done, but still - they had 8 wins when we played them, and therefore, we looked half as good. Do the math. It adds up. It's easy.

Back to the Panthers. We decided we would actually play and then dominated the second half, 24-0. It would have been 24-3 if the Panthers kicker didn't miss an Anti-Award nominating 30 something yard kick, but hey, 24-3 would have still been enough to get us the win. And enough to make us so "Hot".

Suddenly, we're on fire, having showed up for 6/12 quarters. I'm only going back three games. Well, hate to break it to you - we're not hot. If we beat the Saints, then maybe we'll be hot.

A point I'm trying to make is, this team needs to play consistent ball if they think they're going to make anything happen in any playoff game.

I still believe that this team can beat anyone, anywhere, anytime.

And here's when being a Laker fan comes into play...

You see, the Lakers have been a pretty good team in recent years. We went back to back recently... And Kobe has five rings. I know you hate the Lakers, but bear with me here.

Even when the Lakers were winning championships, and especially when they were losing them, the Lakers would play very inconsistent basketball. As talented as they have been, I've felt that the Lakers can beat anybody, anywhere, anytime. It's a matter of whether or not the team gets off the bus/plane and actually plays. Same with the Falcons.

It's all mental at this point.

But that's still not why I wrote this.

I wrote this because I don't like the changing tides. Mularkey, I give no credit to you for this win. You still need to be left in a jungle somewhere so that Jaguars can eat you, just like we just ate the Jaguars.

Actually, we skinned them alive. For the record, I don't believe in skinning animals alive, unless they're the logo of a professional team that we must destroy.

Back to the point that you still don't quite understand.

We're not on fire. We're not hot.

Everyone needs to calm down.

We can win a Superbowl this year, but we'll have to be playing A++ football EVERY SINGLE QUARTER AGAINST ANYBODY WE PLAY, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME.

Oh, and a bit of luck wouldn't hurt either. And the refs not killing us. I hate them too, even when we win 41-14.

If we suddenly think we're on fire, then we are no better than Denver fans who think Tebow is a fake man who has resurrected himself as Lord Jesus Chris himself. They're nuts, but it doesn't mean we have to be.

Let's keep everything in perspective here.


Lets take a quick look at who we've played in 2011 and what has happened in these games:

week/ team/ result/ score

1 / Bears / L / 30-12
three turnovers; hideous play; pass me another jack and coke, please. Started 2010 with a loss, but that was not nearly as ugly as this loss was. Falcons never departed Atlanta for Chicago. Bears have seven wins.

2 / Eagles / W / 35-31
looking like shit for three quarters, vick goes down, we pick it up and win... nice comeback, but why didn't we play for three quarters? vick sucks had nothing to do with our offense in first three quarters. Refs were horrible for us though. Eagles have five wins right now.

3 / Buccaneers / L / 16 - 13
Same story.. crap play for three quarters, Falcons decide to make a move. Roddy drops the move - a go ahead touchdown. Bucs have four wins right now.

4 / Seahawks / W / 30-28
This time, we show up for the game, but then head to Atlanta early. What's that? Another half to play? Yes, and we almost lost. And we would have, but they missed a FG at the end of the game. We barely survived against this excuse of a football team. Seahawks have six wins. They've won 5/6 I believe to get to this mark.

5 / Packers / L / 25-14
Again, Falcons show up to play. 14 in two offensive drives. Tons of creativity. Then Mularkey strikes. We do absolutely nothing the whole game. My friend lets me down at the bar - he failed as my wingman when I decided to make a move at a couple cuties. 25 points allowed to the Packers was awesome, but we went dry.. we beat ourselves. Packers undefeated.

6 / Panthers / W / 31-17
Dragging our feet for first two quarters, and then in the second half we come alive and take this game. The score makes it seem closer than it was, but it was still a two-touchdown win. BUT, Panthers suck and only have four wins.

7 / Lions / W / 23-16
This was a feel-good game that almost wasn't. Lions still had a chance to win, but our defense saved the day. I felt good after this win, but of course knew we could do better. Lions have 8 wins.

8 / Colts / W / 31-7
A game I personally attended, and it was nice. But, against a winless team... it had to be this nice, or else. Man oh man, what a perfect time I had in Indy.

9 / Saints / L / 26-23
We remember this game well, or is it just me? I didn't forget Mularkey's Mularkey. Nor that onside kick that was rhino-dung that gave the Saints three points. Kudos to the defense, for they held the Saints down to about 20 points, subtracting the Saints offense that was a result of bad offensive/kick off decisions. Nobody giving us hope against them in NO, but I know we can do it (see above about anyone, anywhere, anytime). We need this win too because a win in New Orleans will give us a big mental boost. On top of that, we won't have to die afterwards. AND on top of that, we won't have to have saint fans coming onto our beloved blog talking shit. (Saints fans: Please come to California to talk shit so I can choke you. Bring Mularkey with you. Thanks -Kashberry). Yes, I wrote a lot about the Saints... .because I hate them to death.

10 / Titans / W / 23-17
We had our hands all over the snooze button for this game. We had to score a touchdown to win a game that should have been as easy as the Jaguars game we all saw earlier. Pretty sad. Titans have seven wins.

11 / Vikings / W / 24-14
The second game I got to watch with real California Falcons fans... hint- didn't mention the first, so don't go read this crap again - Falcons should have done better, but didn't. In the end, happy with the win... but the Vikings only have two wins, and they were in Georgia.

12 / Texans / L / 17-10
Oh boy, thinking about this game really boils my blood. It might be all dried up, too. Horrible game that spawned 100 fanposts, and 100,000 negative comments. We looked like a third world garbage dump in this game. Would have been better to get blown out 37-0. Texans are slightly overrated and will lose their first game in the playoffs. I hate Texas, by the way.

13 / Panthers / W / 31-17
Fresh on our minds, Falcons decided to show up for the second half. Everyone is suddenly on the Falcons little retarded-bus-sized bandwagon because we played for two quarters and showed the NFL world what damage we can do to a four-win team that doesn't play defense when we decide to play. Panthers have.... four wins.

14 / Jaguars / W / 41-14
More dominating than the Colts game, but rightfully so. I knew this was going to happen after watching the Jaguars a couple weeks ago - Gabbert is garbage. Rookie he may be, but NFL QB he is not. No good qb-to-be-rookie looks that bad. This kid is garbage. He needs to go live in his mother's basement. Jaguars have..... look - another four win-team!


No, there is no real part two.

What does all this mean? Why have you read this while on your employer's tab, when you'd have rather been working?

Because, we haven't exactly been beating quality teams and playing consistent ball.

Everyone, get off your high horse.

This team just played 6/12 quarters of quality football. That includes 0/4 quarters against a 10-3 team, and 6/8 quarters against two teams that tally up 8 wins total.

Well, whatever it takes to get everyone to believe, because we all have to. I believe. You better believe.

Oh, and I do have a poll for you guys.

I almost wrote this about the pro bowl.

Fuck the pro bowl.

Last year, we had the most Falcons players ever. What did that get us? Absolutely nothing. So fuck it.

I want zero pro bowlers and one Superbowl Ring.

I believe you will all agree, and here's proof:

<em>This FanPost was written by one of The Falcoholic's talented readers. It does not necessarily reflect the views of The Falcoholic.</em>

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