Anti Awards, Week 9

A certain somebody has set himself up for not one, but two comedic prodding opportunities. I'm not talking about myself. Can you guess who? He'll see his quote and accompanying picture, and he'll know. You'll see the 2nd picture later in the post, and you'll know. Let's start with the quote-

"Even though I’m in NC, I get the Falcons game. I love being totally disconnected from everyone in the mountains out here."

You love to be totally disconnected, huh? 

THIS is YOU, isn't it -


(Worst photoshop job, Isn't it!? Those faker punks were right about me all along! IT WAS ONLY THREE MINUTES!)

Shaaaaaaarp corner, and the subject has changed.... we'll get to that second comedic prodding opportunity in a bit. Anti Awards quite late this week. Been busy. Busy right now, and yet I'm working on this.

Here we go... Let's do an extremely quick Indy recap first.



........and there goes about 100 words worth of writing. I decided against writing a drawn out Indianapolis tale. I did some Indy Falcs, and if you don't want to read through those disastrous typos, then this sums up my trip:

Flew to Indy
Drove around Indy
Checked into hotel
Went to bar for chinese/whiskey
Met Kate, whom I wrote a public letter to
Put a disgruntled and probably drunk Indy fan in his place, in front of his five friends
Went to bed
Woke up on Sunday, went to Stadium
Met ATLsince1972 and son before the game started, but couldn't sit together
Upgraded seats for 2nd quarter and on
Kate is awesome
Watched the destruction from 7th row up from field
Went to bar
Drank a lot
Went to hotel, went to sleep
Woke up
Mailed a post card, had an omelet, that was not too good
Older ladies were so sweet and kind, I gave an $8 tip on an $11 order anyways
Went to airport late as hell
Barely caught each of my flights (one had the boarding door shut on me already)
Landed in my bed
Fell asleep
How about THAT for a summary? I must say, I did a pretty good job.

...And that brings us to a public letter!


Dear Kate,

You are an angel. Are you even real? I wouldn't be surprised if you're not. Throughout my life, people have said this, said that, and then flaked on me without any shame or remorse. I thought you'd do the same thing, for two main reasons. One, you had a good amount of wine. People are more likely to talk out of their ass when they're under the influence of alcohol. Two, you said you had to catch a flight back to Philly at 2:30pm, and yet this Indy game started at 1pm. How would that work?

The game started, and a few minutes of the first quarter had passed. I thought about you for the second time that day, and this thought went something like this: "Well, I knew she wouldn't show. It wasn't possible with her schedule. No problem!"

A few more minutes of the first quarter had passed, and then the text came.

"Hey. Got at section 138    Row. 7  seat. 3. Haae to leave at 2. U can have iif better thann ur seat"

Kate, I don't know if I told you this.. but I burst out laughing at my seat. The colts fans that I was squeezed between already hated me for showing up during the Falcons fumble recovery, and then eating my hotdog, nachos, and burger while fully utilizing my strange eating habits. And then this. This random burst of loud laughter. Did I care about their thoughts? Of course not. Sometimes, when I'm extremely happy, I just burst out laughing, even if it's something that's not necessarily funny. This was just too awesome not to laugh.

You know those moments in life where you just feel completely speechless? That's how I felt after I was done laughing. I ended up telling the colt fan next to me, but he wasn't interested. I looked to my right, and there was a girl who was sitting next to her boyfriend, but he probably didn't want me to talk to her, so I didn't bother. She didn't look interested in my laughter either, anyways.

You know the rest, Kate... we did meet at 2pm. You gave me a ticket worth $232. I had nothing for you.... what can I give an angel?

One day, Kate.. one day, I'll repay you. I'll never forget.

Thank you.


(sniff, sniff, goes The Falcoholic right about now)


.......And there goes about 200 more words, scratched. Anyone who saw a post I had up for a couple hours would understand why I'm just being short right about now. I won't hold back for the Anti's though. I went swimming, I'm going to Houston, and I'm over the fact that there will be no great TB 1/1/12 Falcoholic bash. I'm ever encouraging of all of you to make that happen still, but I won't be going to Atlanta this season.

Before I start those Anti's, I wanted to write another public letter, to a character who is well known around The Falcoholic. Second opportunity? Yes! And with the Saints approaching fast, I'm going to have to bust out the big guns.



Dear PikaCal,

I choose you!!!!!!!!














........and with that, we'll move on to the Anti's!

All in good nature, Mr. Rutherford! Besides... like you said, you knew there'd be comedy involved.. and you must have been anticipating that... you know I'm photoshop happy...

And I'm not done with the pictures, Dave! Dull roar though, I promise. Yoko promises, too!






I'm sorry, but I have to fully utilize the only opportunity I have to talk some good smack about a proud franchise. Next year, and you can quote me on this- Colts will be back in the playoffs. And all of those loyal fans will have chances to cheer again. For the sake of a good cheer, I promise not to completely bash the Colts. There will be a positive.

But, for 11 years in a row, they were in the playoffs.. they can use the extra time off after 1/1/12.

Let's get to them. Forgive me if the quality decreases from here on out, I'm officially rushing this.



I previewed this next idea with a couple Non-Falcoholic, Non-Falcon following friends of mine using only words, and they liked it, but thought I was being too harsh on a young, third string quarterback.

Forget that, if you want to play with the men, you will be judged like a man.

And If you play like Grossman, you will be Grossman.

Colts fans won't disagree with me.

Here's the extremely short and lame version of my presentation... especially since the possibilities were so endless.

The winner:

Frodopainter (totally inspired by Mr. Choate himself)





On with the show!




Yup, Tebow's picture gets an upgrade despite the fact that the Raiders made him look like an average (Average, ha!) quarterback this past Sunday.

BUT, ALAS! Tebow isn't winning his award this week!

I lied. He still gets it. This week, he gets the award for this simple, and dumb (I know), reason:

He's still completely overrated, and one acceptable (Acceptable, ha!) game doesn't bring you back. Well, it does, if you are the media or if you ever merely thought about purchasing a Broncos jersey with the number 15 on it. And those who did buy that jersey... well, they'll always be in denial.

Yup, that's all I have for Tebow this week. I think last week was enough. I don't need to continue spitting on him... this week.

He'll let me continue the great space dolphin saga though, and so there's no need to worry about that. We'll visit the dolphin planet soon enough, and we'll see how that war with the dragon lions went without his help.




Hmm... tough one this week. Tough because I wasn't able to see as much football as I normally see. No kickers really missed a field goal that affected the game, but I do have one that's close. Oh, and please correct me if I'm wrong (as if you wouldn't do that anyway!)

Before I get into the negative, let me actually be positive.

Look at this, a third public letter!

Dear Bosher,

Nice punting in Indianapolis. I bet you've been reading up on your own inspired award, huh? Well, that's good. And I'm happy that you listened to me and worked on your kicking during the bye week. Now, keep it up, or I'll sick Matt Money Bryant on you. That guy is a BEAST.

And, let me get on with a possible negative.

My Steeler-fan friend and I were puzzled about what happened in that delay of game call late in the game during Sunday Night Football's Ravens/Steelers match up. Steelers called on Suisham for a 47 yard field goal. Quite a long kick, for an inconsistent kicker. Soon after, delay of game. What happened? Refs? I think so...

Say that field goal gets kicked and it's good... Steelers up by 7... completely changes the game.

All I'm asking is, was it Suisham's fault there was a delay of game? If so, then he deserves this.

If not, we'll get over it. We are over it. We're not Steelers fans, after all.




I'm going to throw a curve ball for this award. The text says "Play football" but I'm going to give it for "Watch football".

And, in a shocking turn of events, I'm going to give the award to...


Yup, myself. Why? Well, you didn't see that post I had up for a couple of hours. I was angry, and I was ranting. It was constructive, but I felt it was a negative contribution, and so it came down.

And that's great, because I can save time from looking for a quote, since I didn't seem to catch any during this busy week of mine.


Next to last award, please.....



Obviously, a new powerless king. Obviously, some more Colt bashing.


1) 0-9 Colts

1st place, finally. What will the Colts do with Manning? I think they should keep him. If they end up with the number one pick, should they trade it away and get multiple first round picks? Draft Luck, and trade him for players/picks? Luck is not guaranteed to be good. Just look at Tebow.


2) 1-7 Rams

Good for you, Rams. You rose four spots after beating the Saints, but then you turn it around and fall two spots to claim #2. Losing your 7th game, as the 4th most powerless team, to the prior week's 3rd most powerless team has certainly helped you. This team has a QB... what would they do with the number one pick?


3) 1-7 Dolphins

Now why'd you go and do that? You're still only one game in front of the Colts, but you'd two spots ahead on the powerless rankings. Moore looked great against the Chiefs, but the Dolphins would love to have Moore Luck. Yes, corny jokes are a must when I'm writing these.


4) 2-6 Cardinals

You took it, and threw it on the ground. Good one, pretending to battle it out with the powerless Rams. Bad one, for not properly coaching Patrick Peterson into falling down at the one yard line. Instead, he took it all the way from the one and moved the Cardinals a little further away from Luck. I think I saw the Cardinals' coaches on the sidelines screaming "No, No, No!"


5) 2-6 Seahawks

Well, look at that. Despite an atrocious QB, the Broncos managed to win a game and get off of the list. What were they thinking? They're currently out of range of that number one pick. Seahawks, on the other hand, are 1 of 4 teams that have 2 wins, but the other two teams (besides Cardinals) are the Jaguars and Panthers. Those big cat teams have more competitive losses, and so they will remain off this list, for now.






Now then, I promised a Colt/Cheer-Related positive, and here it is... in the form of the guaranteed positive to take from these Anti Award posts each week....





The Positive "Left Vs. Right" Award: Dreaming of an Enemy

Let's say I fell asleep at the Colts game, and had a nice dream. In the dream, the Falcons win 93-7. I'm leaving the stadium, and I run into the Colts cheerleaders. Yes, the same cheerleaders I was drooling over all game long. They want me to take one of them home with me! That's not fair, I think... How am I supposed to decide? I've narrowed it down to two... you be the judge. Which lucky cheerleader am I taking with me? (Yea, you bet she's the lucky one)

<em>This FanPost was written by one of The Falcoholic's talented readers. It does not necessarily reflect the views of The Falcoholic.</em>

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