Well then, we'll all see how this goes.
The good news is, I found a reason to insert a random girl or two. You will want to get used to that on a weekly basis. It's pretty toned down though. Completely innocent. I'm not kidding. Consider all of that jibber jabber your week 7 warning.
Week 7 award show. Don't tell anyone this is the first week of the year.
Give me a break, I'm tired.
Rex Grossman said it himself more than once. He said "...I feel like I'm in my prime as a quaterback" here. And he said "I feel like I'm getting into the prime of my experience..." here. This guy had a defense carry him to the Superbowl, had a 7-0 lead to start, and still managed to lose the game. This guy threw four horrendous picks last week. This guy can't possibly get into a primed state.
With his week 6 performance, this guy has spawned an Anti Award.
Although I want to, I don't feel right giving it to Rex Grossman a week late. Because, the truth is, you know he earned his face on the worst quarterback of the week award with his week 6 performance, not his week 7 performance. Because there wasn't a week 7 performance. Because his week 6, award inspiring performance was atrocious and awful enough to warrant a missed game or two.
Having said that, I have to give the first award to the two quarterbacks of that 6-3 game in Cleveland. I unfortunately missed that one.
Charlie Whitehurst, the backup who led his team to zero touchdowns in a loss.
Colt McCoy, the starter who led his team to zero touchdowns in a win.
Close runner ups are Palmer and Boller. I decided that these guys get 2nd place since Palmer just arrived to his team and Palmer is/has been - overall - better than the other three quarterbacks.
Somewhere deep in outer space, there was a space dolphin. The space dolphin found a human woman wandering through the stars. It was love at first sight. This was the beginning of something... amazing. something... miraculous. something... unexplainable. Something... other worldly. Something... named Tim Tebow.
For years, Timmy Tebow ruled the galaxies with his unmatchable, complex dolphin-infused human power. One day, Timmy got bored and went exploring through the vast reaches of space. Tebow found planet Earth. What he discovered next would bring him to where he is today. To a place full of mere, weak human beings... to the sport we all know and love... to football.
Now, we are all blessed to witness his climb to NFL Legend in a broncos uniform.. 1-0 as a starter and he's already earned everyone's future hall of fame votes. Timmy, we are all on our knees saluting your godliness. I'm putting together a shrine as we speak....
Who the hell am I kidding? Why didn't anyone ask this over-hyped player these simple questions:
"Tim, you just had to rely on a lot of luck to beat a winless team... what happens when you play a team that can actually play? Do you think you'll be crushed into an oblivion? Do you wish you could play the dolphins every week? Why do you think the talking heads are speaking about you as if you're the next Troy Aikman? Don't you think you'd make a better fullback?"
Must I go on? No, I don't. Those of you with brains get the picture already.
This award is for the most overrated player during the past week.
Tebow gets the honor of winning his own award for the first week it is in existence. That's all he deserves. When he plays a good team, he will get crushed. Quote me on that. Bring it up if I'm wrong. Maybe the Lions will eat him?
Go ahead Tebow... I dare you to prove me wrong and make me look like an idiot. Make me have to change the picture!
Not going to happen... but you've already proved that you can win over the "whatever I can sell to sheep" writers... one headline reads "bla bla bla Tebow bla bla bla football establishment's worst nightmare"
Bosher gets the first award by default. Unlike Tebow, this guy is not from outer space... yet. Perhaps he will develop his kicking... Shows some bright spots... Like Tebow, that was ridiculous in a bad way. We have called for Bosher's departure since week 1, and especially week 2. And 3. And 4. And 5. And 7. Week 6 was okay, but if you have to negatively talk about a kicker for 6/7 weeks, that kicker needs to go. The only way he should stay in red is if he kicks more than perfectly the rest of the season. Why doesn't Matt Bryant teach this kid a thing or two? Do they get along?
Of course I'm going to use my biased card on Suh. I don't have to write much. You compete. If someone gets hurt, you keep your mouth shut. I don't understand what Roddy White and the other Falcons' players would gain from accusing Suh and that other guy on the lions.
I didn't want to call it "The Suck for Luck Campaign". However, that just might be what it is.
1) 0-6 Dolphins
Who is going to obtain the number one pick in the draft? Currently in my eyes, the Dolphins take the prize simply because they allowed Tebow to rise and surprise. Tebow's award winning day extends to putting teams at the top of the bottom.
2) 0-6 Rams
Washington beat the Rams, and for that, the Rams are a hair behind the Dolphins, with plenty more games to go. The Rams have been losing by more points, and I'm sure they can own the number one spot at some point.
3) 0-7 Colts
Earlier in the day I told someone this: "If the Colts are ready to remain defeated for the season, Peyton will come out and play." And..... that one win might still earn them luck.
4) 1-5 Cardinals
I will go ahead and predict a sixth loss for the Cardinals, who are visiting the ruffled Ravens. They've stumbled to keep up with this dreadful pack, but this loss will keep them in the race.
5) 1-6 Vikings
The Panthers are hosting the 5th place club. Vikings will hopefully defeat the Panthers, although that would put a damper on their very own secret luck campaign.
And Lastly, I have to end this on a positive note. I'm a positive person, after all.
(this is the two girls part)