The Scale of Falconliness: Jerry Glanville

Who's the ultimate Falcon? And who's the ultimate anti-Falcon? That's what we're going to find out with our summer project: the Scale of Falconliness. We'll rate former Falcons on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most Falconly. The rule: minimum of three seasons with the Falcons for coaches, five seasons for players.

Jerry Glanville, Secondary Coach (1977 - 1978), Defensive Coordinator (1979 - 1982), Head Coach (1990 - 1993)

Falconly Unfalconly
  • As far as total years coaching the Falcons in one capacity or another goes, I do believe Glanville holds the record, with ten. Someone correct me if I'm wrong please.
  • Secondary coach for the best statistical defense in NFL history and the 1978 playoff team. The only man insane enough to conceive the Grits Blitz. Defensive coordinator for the 1980 and 1982 playoff teams. Coached three of the four best defenses in Falcons history ('77, '78, and '80).
  • The Falcons missed the playoffs every year of the 1980s that didn't involve Jerry Glanville. In 1991, his second year back, the Falcons won their first playoff game since -- say it with me -- 1978.
  • Tickets for Elvis. Back in Black. James Dean. "Prime Time," MC Hammer, and "The Hammer." The Red Gun run and shoot. James Brown at practice. The California Trophy. Blitzing and bombing while ahead. Spurrier-esque interviews. Will we ever again have that much stupid fun? Would we rather go 8-8 with professionalism and restraint, or 7-9 while gushing forth with verve and zeal for the bizarre side of life?
  • After leaving the Falcons, owned and drove a black truck in the Craftsman Truck Series for five years because f*** you, that's why.

  • Coached linebackers for six years at Georgia Tech, 1968 to 1973. Depressingly, Glanville missed getting to work for the equally unorthodox fashion icon/novelist Pepper Rodgers by only one season, though Pep likely had his hands full anyway with running backs coach NORM VAN BROCKLIN.
  • Perhaps Jerry Glanville isn't your favorite head coach ever. Well, I'm sorry, but did your momentary favorite head coach release an ultra-violent Medieval-themed Sega Genesis football game involving death by swordplay in the middle of his Falcons coaching tenure, or did he wait until after he left the team? I must've missed having a chance to play Leeman Bennett's Deathleague Murdersport Bloodball game.
  • Not a good evaluator of quarterbacks, to say the least. Lobbied for Chris Miller over Brett Favre, forcing GM Ken Herock to eventually trade the future eighteen-time MVP. According to hilarious Atlanta legends we tell to make ourselves feel better, this saved the hard-drinking Favre's career, since nobody drinks beer in Wisconsin.
  • Not a good head coach, to say the least. Only had one winning season as a Falcons head coach. Finished with a decidedly losing record, 27-37.
  • Coached for three other NFL teams and four college teams for 22 seasons.
  • Bad strategy, but epitaph-worthy for its encapsulation of the Glanville mystique: "I don't care if we gain a yard; we're going to knock somebody down."
  • To this day, a pants-waving lunatic who still speaks in third-person despite being fired by Portland State. There has always been something wrong with this man.

 

Current standings after the jump:

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