The Scale of Falconliness: Bob Whitfield

Bob Whitfield jog-walks into action. Jamie Squire, Getty Images Sport.

Who's the ultimate Falcon? And who's the ultimate anti-Falcon? That's what we're going to find out with our summer project: the Scale of Falconliness. We'll rate former Falcons on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most Falconly. The rule: minimum of three seasons with the Falcons for coaches, five seasons for players.

Back to it!

Bob Whitfield, Tackle (1992 - 2003)

Falconly Unfalconly
  • Twelve years as a Falcon.
  • Missed only one game as a starter in his first 11 seasons.
  • 1998 Pro Bowler. 1998 was kind of a big year for the Birds, thanks in significant part to Whitfield.
  • Matt Winkeljohn's Tales from the Atlanta Falcons Sideline has 181 pages spanning the first 40 years of Falcons hist'ry. Fourteen of them are pretty much nothing but cussy Bob Whitfield quotes on the following:
    • Dealing with his lazy eye
    • Hanging out at the Gold Club with Jamal Anderson
    • Gambling with MC Hammer on a team flight
    • Defending himself to the media by invoking O.J. Simpson and Bill Clinton (after giving up three penalties in three minutes)
    • Developing his patented "jog-walk" to throw off hustle-conscious coaches
    • Throwing pro wrestling moves on Aundray Bruce
    • Assuming Eugene Robinson's arrest was a Mad TV skit, and on and on.
  • Instituted Falconly tradition of romancing "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" cast members, as proudly continued by Kroy Biermann.
  • On the All-Time Atlanta Falcons Madden Team, held down both starting tackle spots.
  • Founder and CEO of Patchwerk Studios, one of Atlanta's finest hip-hop factories. How Atlanta is it? OutKast, Ludacris, Killer Mike, Cee-Lo, T.I., and Crime Mob have recorded there, so. And everybody else too, from Britney Spears to Cher.
  • Bob Whitfield knows Cher. This should go in a third column entitled "Wow!" but we don't have one.
  • During his brief tenure as a New York Giant, earned the nickname Headbutt Bob for his actions in a game against the Saints. Say no more. Left column.
  • July 19:

    In the LA Coliseum with local role players trying to bring a NFL team to Los Angeles! http://tweetphoto.com/33766369less than a minute ago via UberTwitter

  • July 30:

    @msenna never, these fools out in Cali wanna grow weed in the LA Coliseum, not play football.less than a minute ago via ÜberTwitter

  • Instituted tradition of Atlanta Falcons left tackles getting flagged like blog comments.
  • Did more holding than Atlas.
  • Inspired more yellow laundry than Lance Armstrong.
  • Gave up more yards than Kelo v. City of New London.
  • Played a few games for the Jaguars and Giants at the end.

 

Current standings after the jump:

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