A Very Falcoholic Discussion: Projecting John Abraham

by Dave Choate on Feb 18, 2009 8:00 AM EST in Editorial

In Mexico, he is known as el monstruo. In the Siberian wastelands, men hold their cloaks a little closer and move a step quicker when he is around. In the outback of Australia, not even the hardiest man or beast dares to speak his name. In our country, his name is more familiar.

He is John Abraham.

To do the man justice, we have to predict his stats from next year. Will Abraham pile up sacks, or will he come in a little under last year? Will he actually destroy a quarterback, or will he just continue to traumatize them? If you were a kind of ice cream, what kind would you be?

Use this space to also project what you think the rest of our current linemen will do next year. It'll be a good time for all of us.

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The Predator's 2009 Stats

15.5 Quarterbacks Torn Asunder
40 Ball-carriers Cut Down
4 Bullet-Passes Pawed Away
6 Footballs Stolen from their Masters

"If the Falcons ever manage to win a Super Bowl in my lifetime, I'll french kiss a toilet." - a friend.

by Adam Schultz on Feb 18, 2009 11:05 AM EST reply actions

3 French hens
2 Turtle doves
and a Panther on an open spit!!!!

Maybe there is no Heaven. Or maybe this is all pure gibberish — a product of the demented imagination of a lazy drunken hillbilly with a heart full of hate who has found a way to live out where the real winds blow — to sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested...Res ipsa loquitur. Let the good times roll.

by iRonin on Feb 18, 2009 10:02 PM EST up reply actions

A Tale of Two Abrahams

Healthy?
13-16 Sacks
30-40 tackles

Injured?
We’re Screwed.

If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn't the same as the one I was wearing, I'd run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother.
-Bo Jackson

by Pregame with Pabst on Feb 18, 2009 2:23 PM EST reply actions

Injured?

Flippin’ shaz!

"He's getting better, but he's not there yet ..."
- Bobby Cox (talking about Boyer)

by FrankyWren on Feb 18, 2009 5:06 PM EST up reply actions

Da Predatah

I worry about his health. But I will say this: the Birds’ staff did an excellent job keeping him fresh this year. This is circular reasoning (I know), but his production this year completely depends on his health.

"He's getting better, but he's not there yet ..."
- Bobby Cox (talking about Boyer)

by FrankyWren on Feb 18, 2009 5:05 PM EST reply actions