Atlanta Falcons Pre-Season Prayer

With the first pre-season game for an exciting new season rolling out, I thought I'd introduce The Falcoholic's official prayer for the 2008 season. Join me as I burn an artificial turf scented candle and bow my head before the altar of my 30" television screen:

Dear Lords of Football,

O, to be a Falcons fan! 'Tis a heavy weight to bear, with season after season filled with woe. Can thy will be to ruin our beer-soaked minds? I would ask thee to hold us in higher regard, we loyal sufferers of Atlanta football.

Lords, I ask thee to deliver us from suckitude. Let us bask in the warm glow of rookies playing exceptionally, veterans exceeding expectations, and Mike Smith becoming the most plainly named coach ever to win a Super Bowl. Forgive us our shouting at the television the first time Brent Grimes gets burned, and accept our shame we beg to see Jerious Norwood actually take the field. We are only as you made us, imperfect football fans all.

Lords, let us see progress. Let us see the shining ray of hope that will keep us in good spirits through a year where mistakes and doomed games are inevitable. Let us know that there is a real chance that Matt Ryan shall bringeth the championship fever back to a city that has only fleetingly drank of it. Most of all, let us enjoy competitive games as we cheer, as always, for our team.

Amen.