The Goddamn Bucs Sign Warrick Dunn

by Dave Choate on Mar 10, 2008 11:09 PM EDT in NFL News

In a gigantic, nonsensical middle finger extended toward Georgia, the the goddamn Bucs have signed Warrick Dunn.

"Even though we already have Michael Pittman, Earnest Graham, Michael Bennett and Cadillac Williams, we decided to add one more piece that would infuriate fans of our division rivals," said some mealy-mouthed son of a bitch who does, I dunno, public relations or something for those asshats over in Tampa Bay. "We're disappointed that we could not also sign Alge Crumpler, thus punching the Falcons in the testicles for no good reason."

An imaginary Coach Jon Gruden expressed mixed feelings about the signing.

"Typically, I only like to stock endless supplies of quarterbacks, like a chef throwing pasta at the wall. However, because I have coasted on my reputation as a coach ever since taking over from team architect Tony Dungy years ago, I can approve of the signing of a player whose legendary status here outweighs his declining skills. Of course, I'm not sure I ever had any skills to begin with," Gruden said.

Despite the fact that he was cut by the Falcons, Dunn remains a fan favorite and all-around good guy that Dave the Falconer desperately hoped would end up outside of the division.

When reached for comment, Dave expressed a desire to see Dunn rush for well over 1,000 yards while the Bucs go 4-12, with their only wins coming over the Panthers and Saints. He then swore repeatedly.

Tweet Comment 1 comment | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

One of the benefits...

....of having a crapload of money under your cap, is that you can do things like this.

"Gruden "told me to just go out and play my game and have fun. That's what he wants me to do."

You can do stuff like sign someone to a 6 million dollar deal and just tell them to "have fun" while in the process of sticking it to a division rival. The last reason (or at least one far down the list) for Dunn getting signed was for his on the field abilities. This is more of a $6,000,000 feel good story/PR move by the Bucs.

I am not saying that Warrick doesn't have anything left in the tank. I think he does. In fact this move upsets me because it almost trivializes him. If he wants to coast through his twilight years and get a nice paycheck for being a poster boy, more power to him, but I would hate to think that the Bucs have mislead him in any way shape or form to get them to sign with them.

Again, this isn't me bad mouthing Dunn himself which is the last thing I want to do. He is one of my fave Falcons of alltime. This is me being a little weary of the Bucs intentions.

In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face.

by runningback on Mar 11, 2008 3:21 PM EDT reply actions