Rod Coleman: A One Act Play

THE SCENE: Rod Coleman is on a boat with teammates Jason Webster and Roddy White.

Coleman: Let me tell you guys something, there's nothing better than cold beer and the high seas.
Webster: You got it, man. Roddy, you want a beer?
White: Only if you're not going to throw it to me.
Webster: Catch!
(White bobbles the beer and drops it into the ocean)
White: DAMNIT!
Webster: Awesome.
Coleman: Well, there's a reason I called you guys out here. As my teammates, I thought you should know there's only a couple more years until I retire.
White: Wow. How come?
Coleman: I've done almost everything I can in my career. The only thing left is to tutor Trey Lewis to be the bacon-eating, pass-rushing champion that I was. As long as I don't suffer any tragic boating accidents, I should be fine.
Webster Well, at least the chances of that are pretty...
(The sail swings around and hits Coleman in the face, flipping him over. His right thigh is caught in the beam and he is swung out over the water.)
White: Holy shit! A boating accident! J-Web, you gotta cover this!
Webster: I'm all over it.
(Webster stands still as the sail swings back and forth over the ocean)
Webster: Oh no! I'm useless!
Coleman: My right quadricep! Who could've ever anticipated that I'd even be on a boat, for Christ's sake?  The Colemanity!

Coleman's out for several months. I would advise all other Falcons players to hide in rooms made entirely out of soft, downy quilts until training camp starts. Otherwise I'm pretty sure Jordan Beck is going to be dragged into the woods by a pack of wolves.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join The Falcoholic

You must be a member of The Falcoholic to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at The Falcoholic. You should read them.

Join The Falcoholic

You must be a member of The Falcoholic to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at The Falcoholic. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker